This is not an exhaustive list.
But it’s a list.
- Thick blankets.
- Water.
- Snow/ice/other variants of water.
- God, presumably.
- Sand/dirt/other things of the earth.
- Snakes, if you’ve got enough of ‘em.
- NASCAR safety crews.
- The IRS, if they have access to a telephone.
- Most of us, if we have access to a telephone.
- Smokey Bear (preemptively).
Sound off in the comments if you have other ideas we can always use those engagement numbers.
10. TV’s Lindsey Lohan
9. Very, very thick fog
8. Dark Matter
7. A really loud and scary sound (fire is a wimp)
6. A moderately loud and scary sound (seriously, fire is a total wimp)
5. Weepant’s peed pants
4. A bucket of Ted Cruz’s saliva
3. Portland Trail Blazer Enes Kanter entering the game
2. an NIT Stu Strip Tease
And the number 1 top ten Thing That Extinguishes Fires but isn’t Named “Fire Extinguisher” is: $500 worth of jasmine rice
Thank you.