Newgarden has made a bad situation good. Just not for himself. Also: The LeBron James hour, theories about Sean Payton, and a theory about Michael Penix Jr. and Robert Kraft.
Stu’s Notes: If the Bears Don’t Draft Caleb Williams
It would be a great joke. We offer some alternatives. Then: The Astros might hate America, the White Sox might make history, and Sean Dyche still has it.
Stu’s Notes: Is Luka Dončić Soft?
Soft-type vs. Dog-type. Then: What to do about the Jokić brothers, why NIL’s not that relevant with Reggie Bush’s Heisman, and celebrating Nelly Korda.
The Problem With Liberal Ice Cream
First of all, that’s not even a good word for it.
Stu’s Notes: Three Terrible Ways to Lose
How do you bounce back if you’re the Sixers, Lakers, or Islanders? Also: Caleb Williams and Eli Manning, designated scapegoat Zach Wilson, and April’s place among the sports months.
Angry Ways to Tell Someone You Don’t Want Them to Steal Your Car
A handy list.
Stu’s Notes: At Talladega, Michael Jordan Seemed Happy
Good for him. Also: Grounding the Rockies, the Broncos’ bad look, and Joe Kelly’s bad luck.
Wienermobile vs. Nutmobile: Which Was There First?
A shocking revelation.
Tim Robinson’s ITYSL Live: What to Expect
I Think You Should Leave came to Austin this week.
Stu’s Notes: Which NHL Playoff Teams Are Real?
Six of these teams shouldn’t exist. Also: Who most deserves a Stanley Cup, hoping the Utah hockey trademarks were a prank, and NASCAR goes to Talladega.
How to Deal With Dogs and Rain
Get them used to towels early in their lives.
Stu’s Notes: Coby White Has the Best Smile
The Bulls are still standing. Also: NBA Playoff team likability, Shane Doan’s banner, and Oregon’s ditching the woodsy court.
Stu’s Notes: Zion Williamson’s Leg Isn’t Just Sore!
Why did the Pelicans say it like that? Then: Lasers are cool, being a bad Sens fan, and a question about Aaron Rodgers and HIV.
Cooler Ways Jontay Porter Could’ve Gotten Banned from the NBA
Rigging prop bets? Lame. Tricking Adam Silver into turning the All-Star Game into a big game of knockout? Cool.
Stu’s Notes: Is the In-Season or Play-In Tournament More Like the NIT?
Then: Watching the NBA Playoffs on behalf of our country, Michael Busch keeps homering, and dugout dinger celebrations will soon go the way of the bench mob.
Is “Bat” Always Short for Bartholomew?
An investigation.
Stu’s Notes: Scottie Scheffler Should Get Better at Golf
A recommendation. Also: The Brewers have more beef, a note about Two Dog Special, and what if the Fever don’t pick Caitlin Clark?
The NFL Teams Most Similar to Israel and Iran
Iran is not the Bears.