Back in May, I speculated that the White Sox were planning to fire Tony La Russa in July after he alienated every player on the team, at which point they would name Tim Anderson interim player-manager, the team would rally around itself, and the World Series trophy would come back to the South Side. I thought I was on to their strategy. I thought I had them figured out. I may have been wrong.
It’s possible this was the plan. It’s possible they thought the division race would be closer, that the team wouldn’t be as good, that La Russa would have mildly alienated everybody instead of simply driving one man to retirement (one angle of La Russa criticizing Yermín Mercedes that isn’t being talked about enough is how much La Russa’s credibility is tied to the career of this man). Maybe they thought Cleveland would be more competitive. Maybe they thought the Twins would rally. Whatever the case, they’re screwed. They’re too good to fire La Russa. And while they’ve won a World Series once this century with an absolute idiot of a man managing the team in October, attempting to do that twice feels like a bridge too far, even for the baseball gods who cursed us with La Russa in the first place.
This, of course, leaves the White Sox with one option.
They need to convince Mercedes to kill Tony La Russa and install himself as king. Or at least do a coup.
Ok, so the coup seems like the more viable option, which is good because I don’t know enough about parody law to advocate for murder on The Internet™ (to be further clear, as someone who doesn’t want the White Sox to win the World Series I hope they keep La Russa and he tries to spank Eloy Jiménez for hitting a home run with a guy on second in the ALDS instead of grounding out to the right side). Have a coup. Have Mercedes imprison La Russa in his office. Pretend it’s a goofy baseball thing when the feds come sniffing around. It seems extreme, and it is extreme, but the Sox have run this scheme too far. You play a risky game, this is one of the consequences: a months-long hostage situation subplot while the pent-up bat flips threaten Jeff Bezos’s colonization of the upper atmosphere.
Good luck, guys. And remember: The coup wasn’t my idea. Just nature running its course.
