The Oakland Athletics are considering relocation, and plenty of people have thrown out good suggestions for cities to which they could move. Like Austin!
So, to be all funky and fun and original and diabolical (what?), let’s name the ten cities where it would be funniest for the A’s to move. Starting with number one.
1. Jacksonville, Florida
The largest city in Florida by population (and I’m going to guess land area too though that’s never been proven—Jacksonville’s a big boi), Jacksonville already has an NFL team, and that NFL team is constantly lightly threatening to move overseas. Would be pretty funny if the A’s tried to make it work over there!
2. Miami, Florida
The second-largest city in Florida by population, Miami already has a Major League Baseball team, and that Major League Baseball team ranked last in the majors in attendance in 2019. Would be pretty funny if the A’s tried to make it work down there!
3. Tampa, Florida
The third-largest city in Florida by population, Tampa does not geographically have a Major League Baseball team, because the Rays play in St. Petersburg. Still, their metro area has a team, and that team is having a devil of a time getting people to attend games, ranking 29th in attendance in 2019. Would be pretty funny if the A’s tried to make it work over there!
4. Orlando, Florida
The fourth-largest city in Florida by population, Orlando has an NBA team, and I almost forgot they had an NBA team! Would I forget the A’s existed? Never. But Orlando would make me try! Would be pretty funny if the A’s tried to make it work over there.
5. St. Petersburg, Florida
The fifth-largest city in Florida by population, St. Petersburg is home to the Tampa Bay Rays, the baseball team having such struggles that they’re considering summering in Montreal. Take the place for the hot months, Athletics franchise! Ha! Would be pretty funny if the A’s tried to make it work over there.
6. Hialeah, Florida
The sixth-largest city in Florida by population, Hialeah is in the Miami metro area. Would it fix the Marlins’ attendance woes if they moved the team outside the city proper? Probably not! Would be pretty funny if the A’s tried to make it work down there.
7. Port St. Lucie, Florida
The seventh-largest city in Florida by population, Port St. Lucie is in between Miami and Orlando and is home to a minor league baseball team best known to me as the home of Tim Tebow for a bunch of years. Would the A’s sign Tim Tebow if they moved to this city of fewer than 200,000 people? We could only hope so. Would be pretty funny if the A’s tried to make it work over there.
8. Tallahassee, Florida
Up in the panhandle, and the eighth-largest city in Florida by population, Tallahassee is best known for being the state capital of Florida. It is second-best known for being the home of Florida State University. I’ll leave it up to you to decide whether Major League Baseball struggling to eliminate the Tomahawk Chop from two fanbases would be funny or not, but regardless, I think we can agree on this regarding a potential Tallahassee Athletics baseball team: It would be pretty funny if the A’s tried to make it work over there.
9. Cape Coral, Florida
The ninth-largest city in Florida by population, Cape Coral is a planned city near Fort Myers that has evidently grown quite large. Does the CIA know about this? Would they find out, should a professional baseball franchise relocate there? I don’t know about you, but I think it would be pretty funny if the A’s tried to make it work over there.
10. Fort Lauderdale, Florida
The tenth-largest city in Florida by population, Fort Lauderdale is right by Miami and, to my understanding, very much not Miami. Would be pretty funny if the A’s tried to make it work over there!
