Here’s a fun game.
Picture the remaining 16 weirdos entering a room together. Mark Zuckerberg. Marilyn Manson. John the Baptist. Rasputin. Harry Houdini. Kanye West. Shia LaBeouf. Jared from Subway. Michael Jackson. Alex Jones. Armie Hammer. Pablo Picasso. Dennis Rodman. Mahatma Gandhi. Gary Busey. Tom Cruise. They all walk into the room in a single-file line, and then we get to see what happens, maybe with someone decently normal or able to play the part—let’s say James Marsden, he’s having a moment—as our host. Here’s what I think happens:
Alex Jones would immediately have a heart attack. The man has survived a lot he’s put on himself, but this is another thing entirely. First, there are people risen from the dead, confirming all sorts of his suspicions about all sorts of things. Second, some of these people have to be heroes of his and/or the worst villains imaginable to his brain. He already has beef with Marilyn Manson. (Which is weird—you’d think Jones would say, “Hey man, I know you didn’t cause those mass shootings. They didn’t even happen!”) Alex Jones could not survive The Weirdo Room.
I think Mark Zuckerberg would be fine. Say what you will about Zuck, but the man has seen some shit. He comes off as unflappable, and I think that might be accurate in this room. He might try to get them to do a specific team-building exercise he’s high on right now, but it’s likelier he’d just say something quietly to himself like, “Wow. What an opportunity!” before walking the room, introducing himself, and asking for details about the others’ thoughts on the construction of the traditional deck of cards.
Poor John the Baptist. Or….
I guess the question with John the Baptist is how far his gift of prophecy extended. Did he know this was coming? If so, he’s in control of the situation. If not, he is poorly-clothed in a room we can assume is air conditioned, so he’s cold, and there is none of his preferred diet on the snack table, and he isn’t speaking the same language as these people. Neither is Rasputin, but something tells me he’d be disinterested anyway.
I don’t know why but I don’t think Mahatma Gandhi and Gary Busey would get along.
Kanye West would definitely say something to himself like, “I expected this.” He might have named an album after Picasso, after all. He would also think Zuckerberg set the whole thing up (a belief in which he might be correct). Also: Does Jared know the latest on Kanye? Not that the latest would necessarily change or not change Jared’s opinion (not exactly a predictable guy, morality-wise), but Jared went into prison in December 2015. Kanye had been married to Kim Kardashian for roughly a year and a half at that point. Has Jared heard The Life of Pablo? Jared and Kanye might become good friends. But then again: Jared and Michael Jackson? Jared and Shia LaBeouf? Jared might be able to do Marsden’s job, now that I think of it. Not that he’d do it well, but this could be The Jared Show. Also, how would Armie Hammer feel about all these guys? Does Armie Hammer have normal morality and just crave the taste of a woman’s flesh? This is why it’s a bad idea to put the 16 biggest weirdos in a room together.
Tom Cruise would think this was a Mission Impossible movie come to life. So would Dennis Rodman. Each would behave accordingly, Rodman trying to be Cruise’s sidekick, Cruise not realizing Rodman was being his sidekick.
That leaves us one weirdo, who is, of course, Harry Houdini. How would Harry Houdini spend his time in the room? Well, it depends whether or not he wanted to be there.
**
Let’s get to the voting.
There are two ways to vote. We’ll let Mark Zuckerberg explain the first.
“Instagram! So you see—”
That’s enough, Mark. Weirdo.
We’ll let Jared from Subway explain the second.
“Google is a terrible place where, if you’ve been in a coma since 2008, you should never type my name.”
Well that’s not helpful, Jared. Damn you guys. You’re too weird for this. You’re dysfunctional.
There are two ways to vote: Instagram and the Google Form. That’s all you needed to say.
As always, there is one rule with the voting: Be cool. What does that mean? It means to be cool. (Don’t spam the votes. If you do, we will put you in the weirdo room, and we will tell Alex Jones that you have a secret he must never find out.)
Here’s the link to our Instagram, where voting is live in our stories.
Here’s the link to the Google Form.
Instagram voting will be live until the stories expire. Google Form votes will be accepted if they’re in prior to 12:00 PM EDT tomorrow, Tuesday May 16th.
As of now, the plan is to do the quarterfinals on Thursday, but that plan is subject to change. If you want second round results, those are here.
