Stu’s Notes: The Braves Chose Their Fate

The Cubs are playing the Braves again, and they are losing early, needing some light tap-dancing from Mike Tauchman to score their run while the Braves scored theirs through Matt Olson smashing a ball over the fence. Every Cubs run right now is the last toothpaste in the tube. Every Braves run right now is a demonstration of how unlimited the human body may be.

Last night, Ronald Acuña Jr. stole his 70^th base of the season, and it was very special. We are all very proud of Ronald Acuña Jr. It was a big moment in baseball history, not because no player has ever stolen 70 bases, but because no player has ever stolen even 50 while also hitting 40 home runs, and Acuña’s got 41 long balls to his name (note to self: make sure to finish this before Acuña comes up to bat again). It was a huge accomplishment, and the Braves immediately celebrated, playing a highlight reel on the jumbotron while Acuña raised the base triumphantly in the air.

Unfortunately for the Cubs, this also came at a big moment in the baseball game, the score tied and Acuña representing the winning run in the 10^th inning of one of the final contests of the 2023 regular season, the Cubs fighting with the Marlins for the National League’s final Wild Card spot. Relief pitcher Daniel Palencia stood on the mound, waited out the celebration, and then resumed trying to pitch his team into the playoffs.

While waiting for the game to continue, the Cubs broadcasters—Jon Sciambi and Jim Deshaies—expressed some disappointment with the Braves choosing that moment to celebrate the accomplishment. The Braves might have their postseason situation locked up, but the Cubs don’t, and while Deshaies made clear they both thought a lot of Acuña’s feat, the general sentiment was that the celebration should wait until after the game. This was the 10^th inning, not the 1^st inning. That was the idea. It’s open for debate, it’s one of those totally subjective things, but Sciambi and Deshaies didn’t like it and they said so.

Generally, Sciambi and Deshaies are not old fogies, and they definitely aren’t anti-Braves. A complaint from Cubs fans during the series has been that the Cubs broadcast was giving the Braves’ organist too much love for his little game of choosing funny walkup songs based around players’ names or recent player news. If anyone in the broadcast booths on either side of the game has a history of being anti-celebration, it’s the Braves, whose color commentator Jeff Francoeur infamously fantasized about punching Willson Contreras in 2019 after Contreras took Julio Teheran deep.

As you might know or might have guessed, the clip of Sciambi and Deshaies complaining about the celebration went around online, and some Braves fans (#NotAllBravesFans) were incensed. Some? Not bothered. Some? Probably didn’t care but took advantage to let out some aggression on the team they’ve been beating. (Acuña already came to bat again, by the way, and just drove in a run.) Some? Incensed. And while Jim Deshaies is a big boy and can handle the haters and the losers, I am not a big boy. I am a small boy. I am a small little boy who was so upset about the Cubs losing last night that he texted his friend that he hoped the stomach discomfort he was experiencing was food poisoning, so he could barf all day today and go to bed before tonight’s first pitch. Alas. I awoke with a stomach functioning mostly as designed.

Jim Deshaies is a treasure, a clever and silly man who fills my living room with joy on hot summer nights. He is a good, funny broadcaster, and if you come after Jim Deshaies, I’m going to remind myself of all the reasons it’s so easy to turn on the Braves. So, that’s how I spent about two hours last night. If you need a guy who can explain the stance of the Eastern Band of Cherokee Indians towards the name of the Braves and the Tomahawk Chop… (Their chief is for the former but against the latter.) If you need a guy who can explain the size of the Eastern Band of Cherokee Indians—the one the Braves support—relative to the Muscogee Nation—the one the Braves don’t support… (The EBCI is a lot smaller.) If you need a guy who can tell you how much money Cobb County taxpayers are losing annually on the Truist Park deal, one that’s been used as a template for other professional sports owners looking to make taxpayers give them retail developments… (It’s $15M annually, per a 2022 report out of Kennesaw State.)

Basically, what we are doing here is warning Braves fans that I am armed. I hope you enjoyed being mean to my favorite TV color commentator, because I am ready to spend October pointing out how you are the kind of white guys who think they can say the n-word because their friend “said they could” when they were 13. I hope you enjoyed dumping on the Cubs’ recent string of close losses, because I am ready to spend October talking about what the difference is between a great ballpark and a shiny one, and how the shiny one in a roundabout way helped push the A’s out of Oakland. I hope you enjoyed that Acuña celebration, because if you guys choke—the Braves thing to do, traditionally—and don’t win this World Series despite being an utterly dominant team, I am going to share that picture of Acuña holding the base in the air on social media platforms we don’t even know exist just yet, congratulating you on winning the *real* championship.

If you are a Braves blogger and you said mean things about Jim Deshaies last night, I know what you said, and if you fail to win this World Series, I am going to be right there under your skin at the moment of your dejection. I know where to find you.

Dusty Baker Sucks

Part of why I spent so much time refreshing my collection of Braves hate was that Dusty Baker—who infamously murdered Kerry Wood and Mark Prior in cold blood and played a large hypocritical role in the Joe Kelly/Carlos Correa incident in 2020—had me riled up. Just when I got calmed down from the Braves thing, I’d come across something from the Dusty Baker thing, and just when I got calmed down from that, I’d come across something from the Braves. As established, this went on for a couple hours, and I inevitably responded by learning more about the current status of various tribes of American Indians.

The Mariners hit Chas McCormick in the back on Tuesday, and many thought it was in late retaliation for a dangerous play McCormick made in July. Whether it was or wasn’t, Dusty Baker said after the game that he was tired of his players getting hit by pitches, a statement which quickly led Mariners fans to dig up the numbers and reveal that the Astros hit the Mariners much more than the Mariners hit the Astros. Then, in an embodiment of the double standards we’ve come to expect from both Baker and the Astros, last night Hector Neris came off the mound absolutely unhinged after striking out Julio Rodríguez. If you thought Joe Kelly making a face at Carlos Correa was intense—and it sure still bothers Astros fans—get a load of this guy:

Again, one of those things where approval or disapproval is entirely subjective, but it’s the kind of thing Dusty Baker’s guys do while Dusty Baker goes after other teams for lesser crimes.

Taylor Swift Loves NBC

Taylor Swift will be at Travis Kelce’s game on Sunday night against the Jets. NBC is reportedly giddy about what this will do for ratings. Interesting…given where we’ve previously seen Taylor Swift at a football game.

Turn Off the Music

James Franklin shared yesterday that Penn State has been practicing without any music at times to prepare for the atmosphere this weekend at Northwestern, an environment expected to be silent, because it’s a football game at Northwestern and Brett Basanez still hasn’t recruited a worthy heir. (Yes, Northwestern fans, but Basanez was way more fun.)

A little rude to share this detail? Yes. The kind of thing Penn State maybe could have kept, ahem, quiet? Yes. But I wonder if Franklin told everyone this was how Penn State was preparing to make clear that he wasn’t going to be doing the other thing you evidently should expect from Northwestern football.

FBS:MLB::FCS:???

Here’s an answer: Holy Cross and Harvard will be playing their game on Saturday at Polar Park, home of the Worcester WooSox, the Red Sox’ AAA affiliate. Boston College has played at Fenway, Northwestern has played at Wrigley, now Holy Cross will have played at Polar Park. Beautiful.

Art

From Tuesday: This exists, and I would like to purchase a print.

Brady Tkachuk’s Face

The Sens lost to the Canadiens, which doesn’t matter because it’s preseason, but Brady Tkachuk got hit in the face with a stick, which does matter because you only get one face. Thankfully, Tkachuk’s is still attached and he’s expected to be fine by the time the season starts. Just needed some stitches and a few days off.