The safety of court-storms is in the news again, as video emerged late last night of Nevada coaches complaining to police officers about Utah State fans touching Nevada players as they stormed the court following Utah State’s upset victory over Nevada.
In the interest of making college basketball safer, here are a few tactics the NCAA should consider for the sake of players and fans alike, before this problem explodes into something bigger:
Add Guns
As many have said, the safest situation is one in which all parties are armed. By giving each player and every fan a handgun, the NCAA can ensure that any bad actors in a court-storm will be immediately apprehended and brought to justice.
Raise the Price
Many have complained that court-storms are too common these days in the college game. Regardless of one’s stance on that argument, logic states that the more times courts are stormed, the more opportunities there are for something to go wrong.
A simple solution to this would be to make sure every crowd has to determine whether the court-storm is really worth it by requiring them to sacrifice one of their own before exiting the stands. The cost of 353 altars is not extraordinarily high, especially given how long a good altar lasts before needing to be replaced.
Create Confusion
If the NCAA really wants to cut down on the danger of court-storms, they can dilute them. A simple, easy way to do this would be to add more courts in each arena. Good luck finding the right one, violent fans!
Use Helicopters
The root of court-storm danger is that the visiting team needs to find their way to their locker room. One simple way to make this easy would be to configure arenas such that tunnels lead directly to the visiting bench, but a more exciting tactic would be to put a helicopter in each college gym that can pick up the visitors and dispense them in the safety of their own quarters.
Enlist Respected Figures
Court-storms might not be safer if mascots were in charge, but the prospect of large-than-life, cartoonish, mute creatures frantically pantomiming in the midst of an already chaotic scene sure sounds fun.
