The trade deadline’s tomorrow, so we’ve got anonymous Twitter accounts tweeting fake-and-every-now-and-then-not-fake trade reports, and yesterday, Mike Hawk connected, being the first to correctly report the details of a minor deal involving Arizona and Milwaukee:
There are a lot of possibilities as to who Mike Hawk is. Obviously. Since, you know, we have no idea who Mike Hawk is. None of us know if we’ve seen Mike Hawk. One possibility I like is that it’s Jeff Passan messing around:
But the best possibility I can think of, which I think came from a replier on a Bleacher Nation tweet but can’t find now (tell me if you find this so I can credit, as seems fitting here), is that it’s Theo Epstein. That Theo Epstein is Mike Hawk.
There’s a theory, for those unfamiliar, that Epstein is behind the Jed Hoyer twitter account that tweeted this in 2009…
…this right after the Cubs won the 2016 World Series…
…and this right after Hoyer was announced as Epstein’s replacement this past fall:
The bones of this theory, as far as I can tell, are held together by the fact that Epstein and Hoyer have been friends/coworkers since they were single dudes in their 20’s, that they’re of a generation that likes hand towel jokes, and that Epstein has TP’d Hoyer’s house on at least one occasion:
Epstein has a lot of connections in baseball. He has a job that seems rather project-based and therefore free-time-affording. He likes to mess around. He might like weiner jokes. Odds are overwhelming, obviously, that Mike Hawk is not Theo Epstein, but it’s at least not impossible, and we’ll take that.
nah its me lmfao