When you google Zach Davies, he shows up as being six feet tall and 155 pounds, and while the Cubs currently have him listed at 180, I don’t think Google got that from nowhere. I feel like at some point along the line, someone listed Zach Davies at 155 pounds, and they may have been generous. 151.5 or something like that at the weigh-in, and that was after eating an extra half a bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch (Zach Davies looks like he loves Cinnamon Toast Crunch).
Davies is great because he’s got that look about him like he’s gonna skateboard through the hallways after school but he’s only going to do it once everybody leaves because hey, he gets that someone could get hurt, and he doesn’t want to hurt anyone he just thinks it’d be fun to try to grind on a handrail. The man looks like he’s a prank. And after yesterday’s trade deadline audition in which he struck out a season-high eight batters and walked nearly a season-low only two batters, probably convincing somebody (right??? please???) to trade the Cubs something of at least mild value for him, it comes to be known that he’s not a prank so much as he’s the benevolent equivalent of a prank. In those memes where they do the grid and it’s lawful/neutral/chaotic on one axis and good/neutral/evil on the other, Zach Davies is chaotic good. He’ll skateboard through your hallways, but he’ll do it after school.
Anyway, if that was his last start as a Cub, good, because I want a prospect in his place, and also thanks for the memories, Zach Davies. You once threw six innings of an eventual no-hitter and walked five batters while only striking out four.
