Get this, fellow Burnley fans—I’m blogging from my phone right now. Technology is amazing.
But enough about me. Let’s talk about Burnley, or as The Gods call them, the Burn Squad (just kidding, I don’t know what The Gods call them—probably just Britain’s Team like the rest of us).
The Burnley’s play Sheffield United today, not to be confused with the more-coolly-named-and-possibly-the-team-who-beat-Burnley-in-that-Cup-a-few-months-back Sheffield Wednesday (I don’t remember if Burnley played Sheffield Wednesday because one must have a short memory when supporting the greatest of all football clubs). I thought Sheffield United was in Liverpool, and was ready to talk Paul McCartney conspiracy theory, but I checked Wikipedia before leaving the hotel this morning, and it turns out Sheffield is its own town, not just a neighborhood of Liverpool like I assumed.
But enough about me. Let’s talk about Burnley, or as The Gods call them, Better Than the Beatles (just kidding, I don’t know what The Gods call them—probably just the Bee-Clarets like the rest of us).
Burnley, as you may know, will win today. Here is why:
- We all want them to.
- They’d never let us down!
- Sheffield isn’t in Liverpool, but Sheffield United might not know that, so they might not show up.
- Sheffield United managed to have a less-cool name than their in-town rival, so they’re still a little brother relative to a team that’s probably in League One or something. Losers.
- If Gary Sheffield played soccer, he would get a red card so darn fast. Can you imagine how quickly something would upset that man were he still on steroids and playing a game he’d feel was as frivolous as soccer?
Burn, baby. Burnley.
