It’s a weird one. The national infatuation with the tournament that copied the NIT is happening, but it’s a day later than normal, and instead of folks being in their respective offices, they’re watching from home.
So, to remind everyone what they’re missing out on, here’s what the worst guy in your office would’ve been doing yesterday and today, were there not a pandemic:
Talking upsets
Some 11-seed won in the first round? He picked it. A 14-seed? Picked that too. The dude fills out three brackets every year, and in one of them, he picks every double-digit seed to make the Sweet Sixteen so he can tell people he got all those upsets right.
Not paying Geoffrey back
Poor Geoff. The worst guy in your office told him he was starting a bracket pool, Geoff paid him in cash, the guy never set up the pool, and now the guy won’t pay Geoff back, even though Geoff set up a Venmo account just to make it easier on the guy. “Oh yeah, for sure, dude. Coming right atcha.”
It isn’t coming.
Laughing at women’s brackets
Did a female coworker pin her bracket to her cubicle wall? This guy’s gonna find it. And no matter how she filled it out—even if she’s an enormous college basketball fan—he will laugh, and he will ask others to laugh with him:
Yo, Geoff! Kaitlyn picked Purdue to make the Elite Eight. Lol. Chicks, man.
(yes, the guy absolutely says “lol” out loud)
Unironically using the “boss button” the NCAA puts on their site
*whispering*
Yo, Geoff. Dude. Think Lauren almost caught me there. Managers, man.
*Geoff fumes silently*
Consistently referring to a team by the wrong name
This year, he’s either calling San Diego State “San Diego” or “South Dakota State.”
He will also be asking if you’ve heard of them.
Naming his bracket something Barstool-related
Team Portnoy? Be Advised? Whatever the joke of the month is on Pardon My Take? Whatever the name, it originated in the world’s leading, and only, source for jokes made by bros.
Inviting Geoffrey to a nonexistent happy hour
It’s not that the guy was trying to trick Geoff. The guy didn’t mean any harm. He just thought that by saying, “Yo, Geoff, think we’re all going to O’Day’s after work,” he was only speculating about something that would theoretically be fun, as opposed to inviting his coworker whom he owes money to an actual, existent social gathering.
Geoff will show up for the happy hour.
The guy will be long gone.
