One of my favorite things about the war in Ukraine (as though I have a lot of favorite things about the war in Ukraine) is when people ask civilians like me to opine on high-level stuff. I read a newsletter this morning that asked what I wanted the United States to do if it found out Putin was getting ready to use tactical nuclear weapons on or around the battlefield. I’m expected to have an opinion on that? I thought I signed a social contract here. I thought that social contract said I could let professionals handle nuclear deterrence. I thought I was supposed to focus my energies on finding out why there are multiple store brand milks at HEB.
Another favorite thing of mine about the war in Ukraine (ok maybe I have a few favorite things about the war in Ukraine, sue me) is when civilians answer those questions. “I think we should take out Putin.” “I think we should make Ukraine surrender.” “What about gay teachers? And the wall? And George Soros?” On the one hand, it’s enlightening to see these insights into people’s brains. On the other hand, it’s horrifying to see these insights into people’s brains. The more confident the response, the equally more fascinating and terrifying. When the dolphins evolve past us, if they haven’t already, I wonder if they’ll ask us lab rats what we think the citizens of the Triangulum Galaxy should do against the invaders from Messier 82, as those dolphins study where the primate branch of Mammalia went wrong.
It’s funny, too, that my next inclination is to give my impression of the war in Ukraine, after spending two paragraphs making fun of people like me for trying to talk all smartly about it. Look at these idiots who think they know what to do about the nukes. Anyway, so it sounds like Ukraine has turned the tide but… I am one of them. More predisposed than anyone, probably, as a blogger.
You know who I want talking about the war in Ukraine? Three experts I’ve never heard of, Seth Meyers, and Eminem. Meyers because I never see anyone complaining about him so I assume he’s doing a good job in the late-night world (and he was good at scripted interviews of Bill Hader, leading me to inexplicably trust him to navigate a panel), and Eminem because I feel like he’s thought a lot about this and has quite a few ideas, and I want to see the experts react to Eminem’s ideas. Get those five up on my little phone screen and let them hash it out. This is how I want to learn about most issues.
