Look, I know. This makes no sense. Let’s get that out of the way. What does the headline even mean? The Electoral College? For the NIT? I am struggling to conceptualize this. And I came up with it.
So here we are. Here, definitively, is how NIT bids would be allocated if we used the electoral college:
California: Three Teams
Three teams. That’s it (spoiler alert that’s not it). You get three, California (spoiler alert California can get more than three).
Washington/Oregon/Idaho/Hawaii/Alaska: Two Teams
The West West Minus California™ cohort gets two. Two between the five of them. Nice little haul considering Alaska doesn’t have D-I hoops.
Nevada/Utah/Arizona/New Mexico/Colorado/Wyoming/Montana: Two Teams
The Mountain West Minus Idaho™ gets two as well. Four for the West in total. Split the way we’ve split them. This is how the electoral college would work if applied to the NIT.
Texas: Two Teams
Pretty good deal for the Horns.
North Dakota/South Dakota/Nebraska/Kansas: One Team
The Great Plains-ish™ get one team and Nebraska fans will be furious if it ever isn’t them.
Oklahoma/Missouri/Arkansas: One Team
This bid comes with a home game. Sorry. Those are the rules. Automatic home game in Ouachita/Ozark-land™.
Minnesota/Iowa: One Team
The odd couple. Figure it out, friends. Or *suddenly menacing* we’ll figure it out for you.
Illinois: One Team
Have at it.
Wisconsin/Michigan/Indiana: Two Teams
This is an argument in favor of the Electoral College for the NIT. Because at some point, there would be a Big Ten/MAC/Horizon League war. With weapons and everything. And we want that. We want that war. We want bloodshed between those conferences that leaves Kalamazoo in ruins and Valparaiso in the NIT.
Ohio: One Team
Ohio’s gonna feel so left out of the Big Ten/MAC/Horizon League war. Definitely gonna pull a France-in-the-American-Revolution. Or an America-in-the-French-Revolution (if there are guillotines involved).
Pennsylvania: One Team
This feels fair.
New York: Two Teams
Yes. Two.
Maine/New Hampshire/Vermont/Massachusetts/Rhode Island/Connecticut: Two Teams
Two New England teams that is how the Electoral College works when projected upon the NIT.
New Jersey/Delaware: One Team
No home game in the first round. They’re the one that always has to play in Ouachita/Ozark-land™. The Constitution was clear about this.
Maryland/Virginia/D.C./West Virginia: Two Teams
Did you forget West Virginia is next to Virginia? DID YOU FORGET WEST VIRGINIA IS NEXT TO VIRGINIA? AND EXISTS BECAUSE IT WAS (to oversimplify things) THE LESS RACIST OF THE TWO?!?!?
Kentucky/Tennessee: One Team
Power bid.
Louisiana/Mississippi/Alabama: One Team
Not a power bid. Well, actually. Maybe pretty good. I guess the good teams from these states do end up in the NIT. The good teams from Kentucky miss it. The good teams from Tennessee have Ja Morant on them. No, I don’t know that Murray State’s across the Kentucky border. I didn’t learn that yesterday and look it up in a Jason’s Deli parking lot. I am ignorant to that reality. But you didn’t know about West Virginia.
Georgia/Florida/South Carolina: Three Teams
Weird rule, but the Electoral College will do what the Electoral College will do. Could be three Floridians. Could be three South Carolinians. Could be three Georgians but if that happens one has to use a British man as its coach (can’t be a U.S. citizen—we need to be able to kidnap him legally).
North Carolina: One Team
Feast your eyes, Mike.
At-Large #1: California/Texas/Illinois/Pennsylvania/Ohio
Look, the number without this came out to 30. This is how it is. One at-large from these five states. This is what the prophesy (California blurb) foretold.
At-Large #2: The Other 45 States
Just can’t come from D.C. Or Britain, but that goes without saying.
