This has nothing to do with our main topic today, but I learned this morning that Bill Clinton is younger than both Donald Trump and Joe Biden. I’m sure there are other implications to this, but the one I’m enjoying most is that it insinuates Americans learned their lesson from the 90’s. The next time they elected an extraordinarily horny man president, they waited until he was old enough for his willy to stop actively getting him into trouble.
This too has nothing to do with our main topic today, but was Colonel Sanders a real one? I know he was real. But was he a real one?
Finally, I still don’t think we give Missy Higgins’s Scar its due.
Now.
The universe.
I wonder sometimes if the universe is symmetrical. If the Big Bang happened on a straight line and there are two halves of the universe, each a reflection of the other. One where Righty Grove was a great pitcher in the 1920s and Leonardo da Vinci wrote with his right hand and board game turns revolve in a counterclockwise direction. One where my right ear just weirdly went quiet and my keys are in my left-hand pocket and in Australia, there are no toilets, because they’ve all flushed themselves away.
Where this gets trippiest is in the event we eventually make contact with the other side. Would we mirror one another, perpetually unable to collaborate or communicate? Some quantum mechanics fucker is going to tell me randomness or the Australian toilets will shake things up enough to render this irrelevant. It wouldn’t be a perfect reflection. Then they’ll tell me this isn’t how the Big Bang worked anyway. But how do they know? It’s a theory, guys. It’s in the name of the show.
Where this gets less trippy but maybe more consequential, depending on your cosmology, is Satan. The devil. Ol’ Lucifer. On the other side of the universe, is it right-handers who are sinister and witchy and possessed by the powers of Hell? Or is Satan just a woman or something. If so, bet I know some presidents who’d want to date her, am I right!!!!!!!!!!!!
I’m going to go read the plot of the new Jake Gyllenhaal movie now. (Update, 4:26 PM CDT: It’s a show.)
