Crap crap crap I forgot they were announcing it today uhhh ok here’s what I’ll do as Pac-12 Commissioner:
- Put an ocean in Arizona but only a small one and I’ll find a good place where it isn’t bad.
- Dress as Larry Scott on the first day then pull off my Larry Scott mask and say, “Ha! Fooled you!”
- Basketball doubleheaders (but leave it vague).
- Make a really big deal about that Washington rowing team beating Hitler at rowing.
- Get rid of the cafeteria and just give everyone a big Chipotle gift card.
- Sneak Jett a second Chiptole gift card after he blows his first one on making a pool of chips at a party at an Airbnb in Santa Clara.
- Announce a big search for Pac-12 headquarters, tease the idea of moving to Detroit, then back out at the last minute and say “Detroit isn’t lit enough…yet.”
- Invite Hawaii to join the conference but make it a setup where Hawaii just rotates in surprising other teams by playing instead of their listed opponent and then let everyone come to Hawaii for all the conference tournaments.
- Move the headquarters to Hawaii but put them on an inconvenient island so we can all rack up those airline miles.
- Pay a bunch of trees to not get cut down in an effort to offset the carbon footprint from all those airline miles.
- Redesign the logo so the P is Bill Walton bending over and looking backwards between his legs like something just startled him and it’s behind him and on the ground.
- Casual Mondays everyone gets to sit in an armchair all day and we just talk about the funniest thing the refs did.
- No refs. Just here and there. To make people appreciate ‘em.
Ok that should do it I will see you all shortly.
