I went into the spam folder on our email the other day (an email I’d sent to myself wasn’t coming through, and let me tell you right now, Gmail, if you’re reading this, I AM NOT SPAM) and found the following:
Hey, thebarkingcrow!
OK, I‘ve always wanted to be Instagram-”big”, too.
If you are like me, you have trawled Instagram, thinking “how do so many darn people on Instagram get so rich and famous”?
Picture this: You arise early in the morning, even before your alarm goes off.
You pull out your phone.
Flipping to Instagram.
Whoaaa, you think, Over 561 likes on one picture.
Heading to the kitchen, you put the kettle on for some coffee and glance at your Instagram while you wait.
Bam! Another 77 likes.
And here comes another message. It is from one of your followers asking about your workout regime, and congratulating you on your third official month of practicing yoga.
The kettle blows and you pour your tea. When you flip out your phone, there is another message–this time from a young girl–thanking you for posting. She follows you religiously and your’e an inspiration.
Within minutes, your cell buzzes AGAIN.
Oops, another message. But no time to hit them back—you’ve got to hit the gym.
Anyways, you get the point. This is the life of an Instagram celebrity. I should know, because I’ve made many of them.
I’m here to show you how to take the reigns of your Instagram.
I gotta say … you only have 45 followers… which is not bad, but it is not going to get you any attention. And with only around 0 likes per media item, let’s just say you’ve got a lot of space for improvement.
It is not difficult to do, although almost no one does. Just check out (REDACTED). There, you’ll learn how to garner Instagram followers and likes like mad…without even trying.
Automagically see tons of likes on your images just minutes after posting.
If you’re anything like our other clients, you’ll have a great chance of hitting the “Top Post” section in a very short time.
This is all great, but you’ve really got to put in the work to make it happen. OK, you got me, it’s not real work.
1. Click (REDACTED)
2. Plug in your Instagram username.
3. 10 – 15 likes will be sent to your 3 most recent uploads. Just like that.
Being a everyday name on that page will accelerate your growth 10x, easy. But if you want the fame, you’ve got to reach for it. Are you ready?
See you on the flipside,
Jessamine
Reactions:
1. Yeah, we don’t have a lot of Instagram followers. You can help change that. @thebarkingcrow. But also, who are you to judge, Jessamine? You of the email address “lilpeepington1996”? It’s not a high priority right now, ok?!
2. How did she know I’m a tea guy?
3. I do not want to work out.
4. I do think “Whoaaa” a lot.
5. Give me examples of the Instagram celebrities you’ve made, Jessamine. Is one of them Poorly Drawn Lines? Because that’s my favorite Instagram account. One of my favorite works of art, if we’re being honest.
6. If I wake up before my alarm goes off, it’s because I need to make use of the toilet in some way, shape, or form. Or it’s because I’m hungover. Or both. The latter often brings the former. Anyway, none of those are good feelings. I’m not clicking your dumb link, Jessamine—let me maintain a responsible level of toilet use and drinking!
7. This sounds like an unhealthy degree of attachment to my phone. I’ve been trying to cut back on screen time already. Don’t tell me it’s to be desired, Jessamine.
8. If The Barking Crow ever receives a message from a young girl telling us we’re an inspiration and that she follows us religiously, my initial reaction will probably be concern for her well-being.
9. Do people actually get rich on Instagram? I’ve kind of been assuming they’re racking up credit card debt.
