VIBE CHECK!!!!!!! GET THE BOYS WE’RE CHECKING VIBEZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just kidding. This post isn’t going to be that obnoxious.
Every team’s vibe, three days from the trade deadline:
- Giants: Looking around for everyone else, wondering if they accidentally drove past a “road closed” sign.
- Red Sox: Cocky as hell.
- Dodgers: Beleaguered, but optimistic, but beleaguered, but optimistic, but troubled, but confident, but questioning, but confident, but…
- Astros: “Maybe the real trash cans were inside us all along.”
- Rays: Imagine the most capable bank robber in the world approaching a bank.
- White Sox: Blissfully ignorant of what they’re going to do to themselves.
- Brewers: Trying to find CC Sabathia’s phone number. To play first base.
- Padres: Running the equation again and still not finding any mistakes and getting increasingly frustrated because this is not matching the answer in the back of the textbook.
- Athletics: Imagine a bartender who’s lost his entire family gradually over the course of the last decade continuing to tend bar.
- Mariners: Upswing vibes, and strong enough to ignore the entire history of their own franchise. The beauty of being one year early.
- Mets: Mad at everyone assuming something terrible is about to happen. Which includes themselves.
- Yankees: Absolutely livid.
- Blue Jays: Going to a party with good music on the radio and no expectations.
- Reds: Flooring it in a car that won’t go past second gear.
- Guardians: “But I thought people liked bridges…”
- Phillies: “There’s 106 miles to the playoffs. We’ve got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it’s dark out, and we’re wearing sunglasses.”
- Angels: Reading a reddit thread on how arson is cathartic.
- Cardinals: Only lifting arms and chest.
- Cubs: Have you ever read the book of Ecclesiastes?
- Atlanta: Feel like they owe it to Freddie Freeman.
- Tigers: “Man. The Twins suck!”
- Nationals: A dog who’s gotten a hold of a lit roman candle.
- Royals: Trying to figure out which way every light switch in Kauffman Stadium was flipped in 2014.
- Marlins: Trying to figure out which way every light switch in whatever their stadium’s called was flipped in 2020.
- Rockies: Unplugging for a while.
- Twins: Reading a reddit thread on how slamming oneself naked into an icy river is cathartic.
- Pirates: Wondering why no one else is in the pool yet.
- Rangers: That wonderful place where everyone has such low expectations for you that there is no pressure in the world.
- Orioles: Calling Adley Rutschman every few hours. Just to say hi.
- Diamondbacks: In a hotel courtyard watching Madison Bumgarner lasso a sculpture.
