We did this with the License Plate Bracket because we needed the seeds for next year (editor’s note: “needed” is used generously here), so we figured we’d do it with the Tournament of the Worst™ as well.
If you haven’t yet read the license plate post, the explanation for this is that we’re taking the votes from the bracket and turning them into a complete ranking of everything in the bracket, using the following method:
- Take the champion (Mosquitos) and assign it a score of 100.
- For everything which lost to Mosquitos, calculate its score using ‘Score = 100 – M,’ where M is the margin of defeat, in percentage points.
- For everything which lost to a thing which lost to Mosquitos, calculate its score using ‘Score = Opponent’s Score – M.’ Continue this for all the things until everything has a score.
The method is flawed in that it only measures binary choices. Consensus is valued more highly than enthusiasm. But, given the votes were binary, it’s the best we can offer. Here you are. The rankings, with scores in parentheses:
1. Mosquitos (100)
2. Car/House/Apt Problems (95.0)
3. Allergies (69.1)
4. Litter (66.7)
T-5. Florida (62.2)
T-5. Traffic (62.2)
7. The DMV (61.5)
8. Sunburn (61.0)
9. Black Ice (59.5)
10. Thinkpieces about Generations (59.1)
T-11. Parking Tickets (58.8)
T-11. Potholes (58.8)
13. Other People’s Farts (57.7)
14. The College Tuition Bubble (57.1)
15. Comcast (56.9)
16. New Jersey (53.9)
17. Computer Problems (53.0)
18. Stubbing Your Toe (49.9)
19. Delays (47.9)
20. Identity Theft (47.6)
21. Stepping in Something Bad (47.2)
22. Meetings (46.8)
23. Broken Zippers (46.3)
24. Body Odor (43.8)
25. Stains (43.2)
26. Slow Drivers (41.2)
27. Watery Coffee (40.4)
28. Thin Toilet Paper (39.1)
29. Mold (38.1)
30. Diarrhea (37.5)
31. Constipation (36.6)
32. The NCAA (35.3)
33. Spring Coming Late (34.5)
34. Roadkill (34.2)
35. Pyramid Schemes (32.6)
36. Social Media (30.4)
37. The Houston Astros (30.0)
38. Cold Wind (29.6)
39. Reality TV (27.6)
40. Brain Freezes (25.5)
41. Obsolete Liquor Laws (24.4)
42. Hall Monitors (23.8)
43. AT&T (22.2)
44. Fast Drivers (22.0)
T-45. Dead Batteries (21.7)
T-45. Monopolized Industries (21.7)
47. Melted Candy (21.7)
48. Burnt Food (21.2)
49. Overused Jokes (20.5)
50. Cable News (19.7)
51. Elevator Problems (18.6)
52. Feral Hogs (18.2)
53. Robocalls (18.1)
54. Spills (17.3)
55. Nickelback (16.6)
56. Falling Over (16.1)
57. Boredom (15.6)
58. Long Stoplights (15.2)
59. Shots (14.9)
60. Almost-Empty Pens (14.5)
61. Drama (13.4)
62. Tabloids (13.2)
63. Terms and Conditions (12.3)
64. Wet Paint (6.9)
This puts the performance of one Florida in perspective.
