The Second Round of the Tournament of the Worst is complete. Here’s the updated bracket:
Voting for the Round of 16 begins now, and lasts until about 9:00 AM EDT tomorrow (Saturday). As always, there are the three ways to cast your ballot (and yes, you’re allowed to use all three, but be cool about it):
This Google Form:
https://forms.gle/C335Uv6BBc5aZc8k9
Our Instagram Stories:
www.instagram.com/thebarkingcrow
This Twitter Thread:
Now, the Second Round results:
Mosquitos defeat Slow Drivers, 27-7
Instagram: Mosquitos 18, Slow Drivers 5
Twitter: Mosquitos 8, Slow Drivers 1
Google Form: Mosquitos 1, Slow Drivers 1
Slow drivers don’t make us itchy (or spread disease—usually).
The College Tuition Bubble defeats Mold, 22-11
Instagram: The College Tuition Bubble 15, Mold 7
Twitter: The College Tuition Bubble 5, Mold 4
Google Form: The College Tuition Bubble 2, Mold 0
Two frequent staples of the young adult experience. One almost always more expensive than the other.
Diarrhea defeats The NCAA, 18-16
Instagram: Diarrhea 15, The NCAA 8
Twitter: The NCAA 6, Diarrhea 3
Google Form: The NCAA 2, Diarrhea 0
I guess until now I’d been thinking of diarrhea solely as the experience of having it. Now I’m thinking about it as a substance. Gross.
Body Odor defeats Elevator Problems, 26-7
Instagram: Body Odor 18, Elevator Problems 4
Twitter: Body Odor 6, Elevator Problems 3
Google Form: Body Odor 2, Elevator Problems 0
Elevator Problems are almost always eventually resolved. Body Odor can linger forever.
Melted Candy defeats Cable News, 18-15
Instagram: Melted Candy 13, Cable News 9
Twitter: Cable News 5, Melted Candy 4
Google Form: Melted Candy 1, Cable News 1
I hope a result of this voting is that people start complaining about Melted Candy as much as we complain about Cable News.
Car/House/Apt Problems defeat Spring Coming Late, 27-6
Instagram: Car/House/Apt Problems 16, Spring Coming Late 6
Twitter: Car/House/Apt Problems 9, Spring Coming Late 0
Google Form: Car/House/Apt Problems 2, Spring Coming Late 0
My mom says it’s snowing this morning up in northern Illinois. We have a lot of voters from there. They’d still rather not call up their mechanic/handyman/landlord.
Allergies defeat Comcast, 20-14
Instagram: Allergies 14, Comcast 9
Twitter: Comcast 5, Allergies 4
Google Form: Allergies 2, Comcast 0
Deservedly close.
Sunburn defeats Thinkpieces about Generations, 17-16
Instagram: Sunburn 14, Thinkpieces about Generations 8
Twitter: Thinkpieces about Generations 7, Sunburn 2
Google Form: Sunburn 1, Thinkpieces about Generations 1
The tightest one of the day. Did millennials ruin sunburn?
Stubbing Your Toe defeats Burnt Food, 26-7
Instagram: Stubbing Your Toe 18, Burnt Food 4
Twitter: Stubbing Your Toe 7, Burnt Food 2
Google Form: Stubbing Your Toe 1, Burnt Food 1
Who are you, voters with toes of steel?! Reveal yourselves!
Parking Tickets defeat Watery Coffee, 21-11
Instagram: Parking Tickets 13, Watery Coffee 8
Twitter: Parking Tickets 6, Watery Coffee 3
Google Form: Parking Tickets 2, Watery Coffee 0
Reasonable, yet decisive.
Litter defeats Florida, 16-14
Instagram: Litter 11, Florida 8
Twitter: Florida 5, Litter 4
Google Form: Florida 1, Litter 1
A tight victory for litter, and a relief for various official Florida Twitter accounts I was about to start tagging.
Potholes defeat Social Media, 23-8
Instagram: Potholes 13, Social Media 7
Twitter: Potholes 8, Social Media 1
Google Form: Potholes 2, Social Media 0
Probably a good sign for our marketing strategy. Which is to promise to eliminate potholes but to do so slowly enough that it’s an ongoing campaign that grips the news.
The DMV defeats Identity Theft, 19-12
Instagram: The DMV 11, Identity Theft 9
Twitter: The DMV 6, Identity Theft 3
Google Form: The DMV 2, Identity Theft 0
Says a lot.
Delays defeat Broken Zippers, 16-15
Instagram: Delays 11, Broken Zippers 9
Twitter: Broken Zippers 5, Delays 4
Google Form: Delays 1, Broken Zippers 1
Very close. Would guess many have lain awake the last two nights puzzling over this one.
Dead Batteries defeat Shots, 21-11
Instagram: Dead Batteries 10, Shots 10
Twitter: Dead Batteries 9, Shots 1
Google Form: Dead Batteries 2, Shots 0
At least shots are often inputting something important into your bloodstream. Like moonshine.
Pyramid Schemes defeat Overused Jokes, 24-11
Instagram: Pyramid Schemes 14, Overused Jokes 7
Twitter: Pyramid Schemes 8, Overused Jokes 4
Google Form: Pyramid Schemes 2, Overused Jokes 0
Am I the only one who thinks Pyramid Schemes are a funny prank? Is that a bad thing about me? Should I start one?
