1. Kentucky’s Funniest Hires Might Be Its Best Options
We like good hires around here. We also like funny ones. Let’s go through some hypothetical candidates for Kentucky, rating them by how funny they are and how good they’d be:
Nate Oats: Good Hire, Very Funny
Stealing a coach from a conference rival is always a funny move. It plays. Nate Oats would probably do pretty well at Kentucky, too, although if the issue with John Calipari was that his good regular season teams weren’t good enough postseason teams, hiring a guy who eschews the midrange game points in a really silly direction.
(I forgot about Oats on Two Dog Special. I am embarrassed.)
Dan Hurley: Good Hire, Even Funnier
Stealing a coach from a program that desperately wants people to call it a blueblood is even funnier. Imagine UConn winning tonight, yelling, “See?! We matter!” and then losing their head coach two hours later. I can think of no funnier thing than Kentucky hiring Dan Hurley, and while the recipe for the job going poorly is obvious (his assistants scatter and he gets in a fight because he says something like “I don’t believe in football”), he’s also a monster right now.
Scott Drew: Good Hire, Not Funny at All
Scott Drew’s whole career has been based off of the elimination of scandal. He entered Waco on the heels of a player murdering another player, stayed through the Art Briles stuff, and currently looks like a very good guy. You want a little more sleaze at Kentucky. This is probably why Tubby Smith didn’t work out.
Tubby Smith: Terrible Hire, Hilarious
Sorry, felt like we should include him. Since he came up.
Chris Beard: Probably a Good Hire, Not Funny
I do think Chris Beard is really good at building winning programs. I also think that Texas and Kentucky have a lot of similarities, even if men’s basketball is maybe tenth on the list of UT people’s concerns (after football, football, football, football, football, football, and a few others). That’s why he scares me so much.
Bruce Pearl: Fine Hire, Funny?
Pearl’s work at Auburn is incredible. He’s put a river in the desert there. I don’t know why I don’t trust him at Kentucky. He wouldn’t be as funny as Nate Oats because Auburn fans expect their basketball program to have people plucked.
Sean Miller: Not a Great Hire, Kind of Funny
Hiring Sean Miller is a long play in the joke department. By which I mean: I think Sean Miller wouldn’t do that well at Kentucky and it would be funny. Sean Miller put together something special at Xavier, then spent a long time at Arizona with only a couple great seasons. Arizona’s a really good job. Xavier was coming off a great run under Thad Matta when Miller took over. I don’t get it. I feel like I’m missing something.
Dusty May: Great Hire, Hilarious
Kentucky bullying Michigan would be a great gag. Josh Schertz would be funny, too, but in a niche way. (I would defend Josh Schertz so hard when the haters came out. I think Joe would defend him even harder.)
Rick Pitino: Not a Great Hire, Probably Funny
It’s the easy joke. But you can see the angle.
Pat Kelsey: Not Terrible, But Not That Funny
I think Pat Kelsey might not be a horrible hire (he isn’t happening for a number of reasons, but I have obliged myself to address that piece). Would it be funny for Kentucky to swoop in and steal Louisville’s man? Only if Kentucky hadn’t made fun of Louisville for settling on that man after a few rejections. Kentucky’s made too many jokes at this point.
Billy Donovan: I Have No Idea, Not That Funny
It would be interesting.
2. Is Michael Busch the Next Anthony Rizzo?
Once upon a time, the Cubs traded for a young, promising player whose lone short stint in the majors had gone badly. They made him their starting first baseman. The rest is history.
I don’t know Busch well enough yet to have any idea if he can fill the emotional role Rizzo vacated, and I don’t intend to put that on him. Nobody should be asked to bring that good of vibes to the party. But Busch smacking the ball around against the Dodgers this weekend was a blast. Cubs were rocking. Cubs are rocking. Big road trip coming up.
(The weekend went perfectly for a Cubs/Joe Kelly fan. Cubs win an exciting series, Joe Kelly pitches great. That’s everything we want in life. Let’s run it back in the NLCS.)
3. Brady Tkachuk, Everybody
Brady Tkachuk set a record for hits in an NHL game on Saturday night. Then, after the game, he added one more, making hypocrites of the Sens by getting upset about empty-net etiquette.
One underrated part of the reaction to Tkachuk’s reaction to Nico Hischier is that it was Fan Appreciation Night in Ottawa. Maybe Tkachuk was just trying to appreciate the fans.
Sens won last night. They’re eliminated from the playoffs, but what if they made the playoffs anyway? Talk about a Sens-ing.
Habemus Papam!