Things I’ve Worried About Today

I am, from time to time, an anxious cat, which means that sometimes, the most irrational worries in the world pop into my head and I have to tell myself, “Sir, that is absurd. What the hell is wrong with you?” Here are a few things I’ve worried about today:

• While driving 77 mph up the interstate on our way to doggy daycare: Is Fargo pooping in the back seat, something she’s literally never done in her life?
• While walking out of a coffee shop to get something from my car, leaving my things at the table: Will someone in the coffee shop think I’ve left a bomb in there in my backpack?
• While walking back to the coffee shop, carrying my morning coffee from home: Will someone at the coffee shop get mad at me for bringing my own coffee even though I bought a tea and a breakfast sandwich and my purchases or lack thereof have no impact on their wage?
• While making a joke at the expense of Minnesotan sports fans in a Joe Kelly season preview blog post 25 people will read if it’s a good day: Will this particular joke at the expense of Twins, Vikings, Wild, and Timberwolves fans rupture one of my friendships?
• While seeing the clock pass noon: Will my failure to get the Bangers Bracket ballot out in the morning disappoint the one person I told I’d try to get the Bangers Bracket ballot out in the morning, even though I told them that with a caveat and they have a complete life of which this blog is not really a part?
• While seeing the clock pass 12:30: Will my delay on getting the Bangers Bracket ballot out, which in turn is delaying us sending the daily email, lead someone who’s following Joe’s bets to be upset at missing today’s because they didn’t think to check the site, even though nobody clicks on the bets link in the email every day and it’s unlikely anyone is following Joe’s futures portfolio in perfect detail anyway, partially because the odds are specific to what offshore bettors have access to and not perfectly representative of the market at large?
• While waiting for an answer from a friend I texted asking how Brewers fans are feeling about the season: Am I offending my friend who knows I don’t like the Brewers by asking him about the Brewers? Is this off-limits?
• While thinking about the weather in Chicago: Was I right when I sent that tweet to a Cubs blog yesterday attributing the low resale price of Opening Day tickets in part to the weather? Should I have backed it up more strongly in my reply to their errantly dismissive reply? Should I have backed it up more strongly in the original tweet? Are they my enemy now?
• While thinking more about the weather in Chicago: If the game gets postponed tomorrow, which it will, and my tickets haven’t sold, which they won’t because I listed them for over a hundred dollars apiece out of a compulsive desire to have listings that would make up for the small deficit I ran on Thursday, Saturday, and Sunday’s tickets, will there be a problem using them or listing them when the game’s eventually made up? Do I need to remove that listing before the game gets postponed, even though hundreds of others are doing the exact same thing as me and this presumably happens with tickets all the time?

Anyway, that’s the shit my brain’s up to today. Bizarre little animal up there. And people thought the NIT blogging was the unwell thing. I’m gonna go get a cookie.