They Should’ve Chosen “Cleveland Yankees”

Ok, there seem to be two possibilities for how Cleveland’s professional baseball team became named the Guardians:

The first is that only people who spend a vast majority of their time in Cleveland were consulted, and those people actually do associate “Guardians” with that bridge and not with generic-ness, and this was done in good faith and just missed the mark and oh well in ten years it’ll seem entirely normal.

The second is that the people in charge did not like having to change their name, and like a child told to sweep the garage as punishment, decided to do the worst job possible.

I’m still a little disappointed the team didn’t double down on the offense—can you imagine the reactions if they switched to something else offensive, either in the same direction or the other? (Thinking “Cleveland Rednecks,” for instance.) That would’ve been bad but also hilarious.

I’m also disappointed they didn’t go the silly route if they were going to protest—name themselves the Cleveland Butts, or the Cleveland Poops, or the Cleveland Yankees and just completely refuse to comply with everyone trying to make them stop, because what are they going to do, garnish the money the Cleveland Yankees get from trademark-violating merchandise sales and send law enforcement into the park to alter signage? Feel like if they just held on long enough, they could be the Cleveland Yankees.

Anyway, they’re the Guardians now, and I guess my only other explanation is that they felt like it was closest to their previous name? In the same caricaturized sense that got them here in the first place, just a more “respectful” stereotype? I don’t know. I wish they’d gone with Spiders or Yankees or Butts.

NIT fan. Joe Kelly expert. Milk drinker. Can be found on Twitter (@nit_stu) and Instagram (@nitstu32).
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