Excuse us. We’re just going to walk through the USA Mullet Championship website really quick.
Credit for this goes to ESPN2 briefly trending on Twitter last night when someone mentioned that a rerun of the 2020 USA Mullet Championship was on (bringing us back to this question), but we probably should have been tipped off by this tweet weeks ago from Oklahoma Sooners coverer and 2022 NIT Pool celebrity entrant Eddie Radosevich:
Did we get an update on this kid? No. That’s part of why we’re here.
First, the business side of things (so, the front): USA Mullet Championships was begun by Michigander Kevin Begola, owner of a men’s shop (Bridge Street Exchange) in the small town of Fenton, off I-75 between Flint and Ann Arbor. It was established in 2020 and conducts annual championships in four divisions: Adult Male, Adult Female (Femullet), Teen, and Children. Earlier this year, it announced a partnership with Major League Eating, the same people who bring you the Nathan’s Famous July 4 Hot Dog Eating Contest.
Now, the party:
There is, of course, a kids gallery from the 2021 competition, and I’d encourage any parents in the room to take a look. This is what your children could be. There are other galleries, too, but the kids one is the most awe-inspiring. It’s just really cool to see the talent in this next generation, you know? There’s also a shop, where you can purchase a Mullet Momma shirt or, if you’re provocative, a Big Johnson Mullet t-shirt featuring a small man, a large mullet, and some scantily clad cartoon women in an American flag-adorned lifted pickup truck. There’s a Mullet Hall of Fame, celebrating everyone from Bono to fictional pitcher Kenny Powers. My favorite part? “The Mullet Story.”
Highlights:
“According to some historians, the mullet has been around since at least Ancient Greece, where the style was as much for function as it was for fashion. Cropped hair around the face with longer locks in the back allowed for both visibility and a protective layer of hair for your neck. Homer even described a haircut that sounds eerily familiar in The Iliad: ‘their forelocks cropped, hair grown long at the backs.’”
“Mullets have been present in and out through our entire history as a species, in different parts of the world…The hairstyle didn’t actually have the name ‘mullet’ until 1994, though, when the Beastie Boys released a song called ‘Mullet Head.’ Not long after the name mullet was christened, the hairdo was on its way out.”
“The peak of mullets ended in the early 1990’s, but the style has never completely faded from relevance. Instead, it slipped from the good graces of the masses and became iconic in various subcultures: everyone from country music stars and lesbians, to hockey players and Native Americans.”
“In more recent years, the mullet was actually banned in Iran, for being considered too much of a ‘western hairstyle’.”
The story continues with a list of ten iconic mullets, including that of one Benjamin Franklin which the writer acknowledges may be better described as a “skullet.” Then, after a thorough look at mullets in 2020 and a section titled “10 Ways to Style Your Mullet” (the Kentucky Waterfall is a personal favorite), the story is finished. But wow, what a story it was.
Where does the mullet go from here? I’ll admit it’s a question I’ve never previously asked. Looking at the historic significance and those child-borne flows, though, it’s hard to deny that the mullet’s future appears long and luscious. I don’t know who the Homer is of our generation, but he—or she, or they—are going to be busy.
