One of the great ironies about Canadians is that they are stereotypically socially meek and stereotypically physically violent.
American football fans might protest, saying their sport is the more violent one, but…do you know how fast football players move? Do you know how fast hockey players move? Maybe go look those numbers up and get back to me, and then consider that hockey players wear gigantic razor blades on their shoes at all times.
If you look at Canada long enough, you start worrying that it’s going to snap. It’s a gentle giant, but it’s massive, full of bears and moose and blue liners. It’s like the big kid in high school who laughed it off and laughed it off and then one day broke the little chirper’s nose against a lunch table. If we push Canada too far, it will either kick our ass or we’ll have to call in our own military, which is a lame thing to do in a fight. That’s like a white guy starting a fight with a black guy and then calling the police.
Why did it take a Canadian security guard laying out a Canadian golfer to remind us of this? For one thing, it showed that Canadians always have latent violence within them. For another, the golfer apologized to the man who tackled him. Had it been an American golfer? The LIV–PGA merger would have been delayed to give all the golf lawyers time to make a buck on an injury trial. Canadians are capable of violence. Canadians are unfazed by violence perpetrated against them. That’s a bad recipe for us Americans.
