The Sticky Stuff Screenings Are Awesome

I like to make “jokes” about Max Scherzer feeding on human flesh.

So when Scherzer got riled up about being checked for foreign substances (something he probably used for a long time, making the whole thing funnier), I was ready:

But even I was not prepared for what came next:

First of all, kudos to the umpires for stepping within arm’s reach of Scherzer in that situation. I would never. I would quit the job. There’s no way umpire school teaches you how to navigate a tiger’s lair. To those pointing out that all the umpires got in on it, kudos to the umps for that, too. Gotta protect your own.

Second of all, kudos to Scherzer for having the restraint to not disembowel Girardi with his bare hands (“his” meaning Girardi’s—I’m envisioning Scherzer…well, you know, I guess I don’t need to describe this in detail that would probably be a little too far).

Third of all, this is awesome. This is all awesome. Obviously, this was not Major League Baseball’s intent, but talk about a great way to get people tuning in. What’s happening now is:

• There’s a quirky cheating scandal centered around sticky materials, which sounds like something out of a middle school lunchroom.
• There’s a quirky cheating scandal that is leading to players partially disrobing in the middle of the field.
• There’s a quirky cheating scandal that could lead to slightly more balls in play, and therefore a slightly more exciting game.
• There’s a quirky cheating scandal that matters more on the margins than anything else and so is more curious than actively harmful. (I will amend this stance if someone makes a convincing case that this really is what got Tyler Glasnow hurt, but even if it was, that’s in the past now and we can’t go back, and there’s an element in that case which really highlights how wild this situation got: A guy couldn’t safely, between starts, learn to pitch without grip enhancers? That’s nuts.)

I’m for all of this. I’m for MLB cracking down. I’m for MLB cracking down in a clumsy way. I’m for pitchers furiously flashing umpires. I’m for irate pitchers yelling in press conferences at faceless MLB officials. I’m for hitters slowly coming around to the idea that this helps them and starting to push back on the pitchers. The game’s getting cleaner, and it’s happening in reality-show style, and while it doesn’t reflect well on Major League Baseball as a professional organization, there is pretty much no chance of that happening while Rob Manfred is allowed access to his MLB email, so we might as well have it be entertaining.

And this, well, this is very entertaining: