The Fourth of July is a wonderful day.
Not least of all because of the music.
Everyone has that piece of them that wants to be the Fourth of July DJ, but it can be an intimidating task.
Which is why I’m here to help you.
What follows is your guide on how to commandeer the aux cord, get kicked off the aux cord, do the same thing a couple more times, and celebrate your country in the process (provided you’re American—if you aren’t American, a word of caution: you may want to be American after reading this).
Waking Up
“Grand Old Flag” – the Cedarmont Kids version
Nothing gets the people going in the morning like blasting this minute-and-a-half ditty, marching around whatever building you’re in, and singing along loudly. Any version will do, but this one is easy to find and helps you if you forget the words, because it’s a singalong.
“Grand Old Flag” – The Cedarmont Kids version, 10 more times
The song begs to be repeated, and you can probably get away with it nearly a dozen times in total before your family and/or friends rip the aux cord from your hand, yelling “NO!”
Lunchtime
After your tyrant-imposed hiatus, you probably all enjoyed a leisurely enough morning, but now, the burgers are being flipped, there are beers to be drank, and your cousin who’d been playing pop country left the cord unattended.
You strike.
“The Front Porch Song” – Robert Earl Keen
You can get back in everyone’s good graces (and not be noticed) simply by flipping to good, non-pop country (or country-peripheral). Many will be relieved, and even happy about the change. You’re in a good spot: in control entering the afternoon.
“Long Hot Summer Day” – Turnpike Troubadours
“The Pascagoula Run” – Jimmy Buffett
“Untitled” – Counting Crows
“This Land is Your Land” – Bruce Springsteen (yes, going with the cover here)
Now that you’ve turned up the energy a notch, flip to the oldies. Your elders will be pleased. The family (and friends) will cut loose. You can tone it down a bit as this next section goes on, but mix in a few bangers to fire up the nation.
“Rock Me Gently” – Andy Kim
“Rubberband Man” – The Spinners
“Joy to the World” – Three Dog Night
“Graceland” – Paul Simon
“Get On Up” – James Brown
“Sweet Home Alabama” – Lynyrd Skynyrd (cliché aside, it’s a classic)
“25 or 6 to 4” – Chicago
By now, you’ve been on the aux cord a while. You’re getting bored. You want to end this, at least for the time being. So you create a stir.
“Old Thing Back (Matoma Remix)” – The Notorious B.I.G., ft. Ja Rule
This song will not be allowed to remain on if your parents are there, or if you’re at an Airbnb with middle-aged neighbors and at least one of your friends isn’t drunk enough to think this is a good idea. It might not be cut off right away, but shortly after “hit you with the dick, make your kidneys shift” the song will be silenced and you will again be exiled.
Just like you wanted.
But on the bright side, the song’s great.
Fireworks
Later, as your uncle prepares for the town’s fireworks display, you recognize him struggling to figure out what the soundtrack should be. He doesn’t realize you’ve already been kicked off the speakers twice. You swoop in.
“America the Beautiful” – Boston Pops Orchestra
He trusts you now. You don’t prove him wrong.
“The Battle Hymn of the Republic” – Boston Pops Orchestra
“The Stars and Stripes Forever” – Boston Pops Orchestra
“Washington Post March” – United States Army Band
“Anchors Aweigh” – United States Navy Band
“Air Force Hymn (instrumental)” – USAF Heritage of American Band
“God Bless America” – Orlando Pops Orchestra
The Night
Now, everyone trusts you again, or they’re too tired to fight you on this. You’ve built to this moment, manipulating the festivities like a socialite navigating the Met Gala. You’re in control. And here’s what you really wanted to play the whole time:
The entire discography of The Killers
You party through the night. Much joy is had. Singalongs occur. You learn that your cousin’s boyfriend also recognizes The Killers as the greatest band of all time, because he too is singing along to “Shot at the Night.”
As the night winds down, and all prepare to go to bed, you notice that the timed spotlight your family bought your grandpa to shine on his American flag is still lit. So as the last strains of “I Can’t Stay” wind down, you queue up what everyone’s been waiting for:
The National Anthem
“Star Spangled Banner – Instrumental” – The United States Army Band
Hands on hearts, you all stare at the flag. You begin to sing. The family and friends join, all united by the nation’s favorite song. You did it. You won the Fourth of July.
