A friend told me yesterday that he’s supposed to go to Canada for work in a few weeks, but that he doesn’t think he’ll be able to make the trip because his passport is taking forever to get renewed.
I guess my friend’s an idiot?
You don’t need a passport to visit Canada. Canada is part of the United States. It’s a territory, or a military base, or a future expansion target. It’s there if we want it, kind of like how Belarus could be part of Russia at the drop of a hat if Russia ever wants to drop the hat in question. Guam, Puerto Rico, Canada…all basically the same place.
Sure, sure, they will give you a ton of trouble at customs if you show up to Canada without a passport. But…come on, guys. You’re part of the United States.
Let’s do some more Cansplaining.
Each part of Canada, explained in terms America can understand, defined by a guy who hasn’t been to Canada since 2013 and has only spent two nights there in his life:
- Toronto: A cross between London; New York; and Mackinac Island
- Ontario (outside Toronto): Michigan (outside Detroit)
- Montreal: A cross between Paris, Chicago, and New Orleans
- Quebec (outside Montreal): Vermont but if they all spoke French
- Manitoba: Minnesota, but with the tiniest dose of Vermont
- Saskatchewan: North Dakota
- Alberta: Montana
- British Columbia: Washington, minus Amazon and Starbucks, and no that does not mean Oregon
- Yukon: Inland Alaska
- Northwest Territories: Inland Yukon
- Nunavut: A cross between Navajo Nation and Greenland
- New Brunswick: Maine, minus the Boston influence
- Prince Edward Island: Maine, minus the Boston influence, with a funny little name
- Nova Scotia: Maine, minus the Boston influence, but if half of them spoke French and some Vikings used to go there back in the day
- The Toronto Maple Leafs: The Dallas Cowboys, but if their fans all completed a Vermont immersion program
- Vermont: New Hampshire but if you perfectly inverted everyone’s political beliefs on every subject other than guns
