The Cities I’m Most Excited to Lose to Climate Change

I’ve been trying to be nicer to Florida lately, so the plot twist here is that I’m not including any Floridian cities on this list. The other plot twist is that this is just going to be one city, and I don’t actually dislike this city, I just think it’d be hilarious if it got swallowed by the ocean:

Boston

Bostonians would love sinking into the deep. They would love having to rebuild upon hilltops. They would love losing a few cobblestone streets. Mostly, they’d love talking about it, and specifically talking about how they were the only ones it was happening to, and how New Yorkers were soft for complaining about the exact same thing happening to them. Bostonians would make such a ruckus about their city slowly flooding with water over the course of a few decades that you’d think someone accused their fans of being racist, and by accused I mean shared experiences of racism that happened as a visiting athlete in Boston. You remember that video of the guy getting real mad in the bagel shop and trying to fight the universe? This would be like that, except not sad and instead just hilarious.

Boston sinking would be the best.

Bring it on.

NIT fan. Joe Kelly expert. Milk drinker. Can be found on Twitter (@nit_stu) and Instagram (@nitstu32).
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