Soccer season’s getting back underway, and if this is confusing to you because Olympic soccer’s been going on for two weeks and the Euros and Copa América were right before that…yes. You are correct.
The EFL Championship begins play this afternoon. (It’s night in England.) What is the EFL Championship? It’s the best soccer league in England. Which sounds better to you: Premier? Or Championship? I thought so. The EFL Championship is the greatest competition the island of Great Britain has ever seen. 24 teams. One Championship champion.
Why do we care? Five years ago today, we were bored. The result, evidently, was a lifetime as Burnley dilettantes. Fate is funny that way.
We’ll go through the basics, and then we’ll go through the teams.
The basics:
- 24 teams.
- 46 matches (double round robin).
- Top two finishers go back to the Premier League.
- Bottom three finishers go back to League One.
- 3rd through 6th place go into the Championship play-offs, which is like playoffs in American sports except there’s a hyphen.
- Winner of the Championship play-offs goes back to the Premier League, and no one thinks any less of them just because they lacked the might necessary to get out of the Championship on the first try.
As for the teams…
We’re going to go from West to East, because this is the order which makes the least sense. North to South or South to North would work. Great Britain is a North–South island. We could also go by odds, or alphabetically, or by which ones we remember first followed by which we have to look up. We could go by which team’s manager is likeliest to secretly idolize Mussolini, or which team’s goalie looks most similar to oft-forgotten American college basketball role player Nemanja Calasan. We could go by last year’s standings. We could use a random order. We are going from West to East.
Here’s everything you should know. (Best year is admittedly arbitrary. By the end, I couldn’t remember how I split different hairs in the beginning.)
Plymouth Argyle
- Nickname: Pilgrims
- City: Plymouth
- Region: South West England
- Last year: 21st place
- Best year: 2002
- Closest American city (population): Toledo
Plymouth is the most American team in the Championship, and not only because they’re located closest to America. The Mayflower itself is featured on their crest. Beyond that? Wayne Rooney’s their manager this year. They wear an argyle pattern at home, but it’s subtle.
Swansea City
- Nickname: Swans
- City: Swansea
- Country: Wales
- Last year: 14th place
- Best year: 2013
- Closest American city (population): Garland, TX
We do love the Welsh. But do they love each other?
Cardiff City
- Nickname: Bluebirds
- City: Cardiff
- Country: Wales
- Last year: 12th place
- Best year: 1927
- Closest American city (population): New Orleans
No! Or so we’re told. We’re told—by Wikipedia, obviously, that’s where we learn almost everything—that Cardiff and Swansea were once friends and are no longer friends. This is good. It’d be weird otherwise.
Preston North End
- Nickname: Lilywhites
- City: Preston
- Region: North West England
- Last year: 10th place
- Best year: 1889
- Closest American city (population): Wilmington, NC
The first of the three Lancashire teams in this year’s Championship. Do they like Blackburn better? Or Burnley? I don’t know. If you ever meet someone from Preston, please ask on my behalf.
Bristol City
- Nickname: Robins
- City: Bristol
- Region: South West England
- Last year: 11th place
- Best year: 1907
- Closest American city (population): Raleigh
I’m pretty sure this is the Bristol after which Bristol Motor Speedway was indirectly named. That’s enough to keep Bristol City from the title of least notable Championship team in this specific preview. Tough loss, Robins.
Blackburn Rovers
- Nickname: Riversiders
- Town: Blackburn
- Region: North West England
- Last year: 19th place, three points clear of relegation
- Best year: 1995
- Closest American city (population): Fairfield, CA
There is so much to say about the second Lancashire team on this list. It’s hard to think of a club who deserves more tribute. So, we offer a separate post covering every single thing you should know regarding these legends of the sport. It includes what to expect this year, especially during the always–competitive–never–a–blowout East Lancashire Derby.
Burnley
- Nickname: Clarets
- Town: Burnley
- Region: North West England
- Last year: Premier League – 19th place
- Best year: 1960
- Closest American city (population): Bethlehem, PA
Fun that Bethlehem’s the closest Burnley population comp this year. That’s a great one. We do like to say that Burnley’s like a cross between the Packers and the Eagles.
The vibes aren’t great right now. After dominating the Championship in 2022–23, Vincent Kompany’s brain was as overmatched as the athletes he’d recruited up in the EPL. Then, Bayern Munich hired him away, giving the impression Bayern really does not think highly of Burnley’s potential. Now we’ve got Scott Parker to lead the lads, and while we’re excited about the return of something resembling Dycheball, we’d rather it come via Sean Dyche. Maybe this is the start of something else beautiful. Maybe Burnley will spend all season on the verge of promotion, leading us into multiple very stressful days in May. More to come in Disco Inferno, our Burnley/Ottawa Senators newsletter.
Stoke City
- Nickname: Potters
- City: Stoke-on-Trent
- Region: West Midlands
- Last year: 17th place
- Best year: 1972
- Closest American city (population): Laredo
Who would have thought that one English commentator’s dig towards Messi and Ronaldo would establish Stoke City forever as the epitome of English football?
West Bromwich Albion
- Nickname: Baggies
- Town: West Bromwich
- Region: West Midlands
- Last year: 5th place, lost to Southampton in play-off semifinal
- Best year: 1920
- Closest American city (population): Lakewood, CA
I’m told Albion once meant “Great Britain,” and later meant “anywhere in Great Britain with white cliffs.” I’m told it got added to West Brom’s name because West Brom thought Brighton & Hove Albion sounded cool. Brighton and Hove do have white cliffs. West Bromwich is very much landlocked.
Leeds United
- Nickname: Whites
- City: Leeds
- Region: Yorkshire and the Humber (Yorkshire-coded)
- Last year: 3rd place, lost to Southampton in play-off final
- Best year: 1969
- Closest American city (population): Fresno
Man. I used to fuckin’ hate these guys. Do I still? To be honest, I didn’t know until I looked at their roster. I could not have pulled Patrick Bamford’s name on my own. Once I saw that name written down, though, the memories came rushing back. By which I mean I remembered that I don’t like Patrick Bamford. Don’t really remember why.
Derby County
- Nickname: Rams
- City: Derby
- Region: East Midlands
- Last year: League One – 2nd place
- Best year: 1972
- Closest American city (population): St. Petersburg, FL
I really like Derby’s logo. Makes me think they’re cool. I bet rams would be pretty good at soccer. Better than most animals, that’s for sure.
Sheffield Wednesday
- Nickname: Owls
- City: Sheffield
- Region: Yorkshire and the Humber (Yorkshire-coded)
- Last year: 20th place
- Best year: 1930
- Closest American city (population): Albuquerque
I believe Sheffield Wednesday’s two defining characteristics are 1) being really old and 2) the Hillsborough disaster (they weren’t playing but they hosted the match). I like to recognize them instead by the “Wednesday” part of their name. Doesn’t Sheffield Wednesday sound like it should be the name of a song by the Beatles? Evidently some Sheffield workers used to get Wednesday afternoons off. That’s how they came to form a cricket club. Not sure when they stopped using their hands.
Sheffield United
- Nickname: Blades
- City: Sheffield
- Region: Yorkshire and the Humber (Yorkshire-coded)
- Last year: Premier League – 20th place
- Best year: 1898
- Closest American city (population): Albuquerque
Have always kind of liked these guys. “Blades” is cool, you know? They’re starting the season two points in the hole because they ran out of money a few times in recent years. No word on what that did to their credit score.
Sunderland
- Nickname: Black Cats
- City: Sunderland
- Region: North East England
- Last year: 16th place
- Best year: 1913
- Closest American city (population): Garden Grove, CA
I never watched that Netflix show about Sunderland, and as a result, I have no opinion on them.
Oxford United
- Nickname: U’s
- City: Oxford
- Region: South East England
- Last year: League One – 5th place, play-off champions
- Best year: 1986
- Closest American city (population): Palmdale, CA
*the deepest of breaths*
NERDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Middlesbrough
- Nickname: Boro
- Town: Middlesbrough
- Region: Yorkshire and the Humber – Yorkshire-coded
- Last year: 8th place
- Best year: 2004
- Closest American city (population): Escondido, CA
Congratulations, Boro. You are the least notable Championship team in this specific preview.
Portsmouth
- Nickname: Pompey
- City: Portsmouth
- Region: South East England
- Last year: League One – 1st place
- Best year: 1949
- Closest American city (population): Salt Lake City
The reigning League One champions (a title it is impossible to defend), Portsmouth is owned by Michael Eisner. The Disney guy.
Luton Town
- Nickname: Hatters
- Town: Luton
- Region: East of England
- Last year: Premier League – 18th place
- Best year: 1988
- Closest American city (population): Fremont, CA
Luton!! Sweet, beautiful Luton. Love these guys. They’re orange, they’re the Hatters, they’ve been a nice little Cinderella story recently…
Sweet, beautiful Luton.
Watford
- Nickname: Hornets
- Town: Watford
- Region: East of England
- Last year: 15th place
- Best year: 1983
- Closest American city (population): Carmel, IN
Watford was pretty solid a few years ago. Also, important distinction: This is where Warner Bros. does the studio tour for Harry Potter, but Watford is not the Potters. That’s Stoke. Do not mess this up.
Hull City
- Nickname: Tigers
- City: Kingston upon Hull
- Region: Yorkshire and the Humber (Humber-coded)
- Last year: 7th place
- Best year: 2014
- Closest American city (population): Fort Wayne
Hull has good vibes. Tigers is such a good name. You can’t miss when you’re named the Tigers. Unless you’re the Detroit Tigers, I guess. You can’t miss when you’re named the Tigers and your colors resemble those of tigers.
Queens Park Rangers
- Nickname: Rangers
- District: Shepherd’s Bush
- City: London
- Last year: 18th place
- Best year: 1976
- Closest American city (population): New York
My official analysis of QPR is that they seem like a bummer.
Millwall
- Nickname: Lions
- District: Bermondsey
- City: London
- Last year: 13th place
- Best year: 2004
- Closest American city (population): New York
These are the ones Frodo hates.
Norwich City
- Nickname: Canaries
- City: Norwich
- Region: East of England
- Last year: 6th place, lost to Leeds in play-off semifinal
- Best year: 1993
- Closest American city (population): Waco
The only Championship squad located east of the Prime Meridian, Norwich is best known for being Ashley Barnes’s current team. They are second-best known for that weird slide they put in a church in 2019. I didn’t realize that was new. I thought it had been there for centuries. I thought there was a good story behind it! Nope. Just a big slide in a church, put there in 2019. Norwich sounds like a weird place.
