Joe Kelly’s in Houston this weekend, with the Dodgers playing the Astros, and so far, he hasn’t seen the mound. He pitched both Wednesday and Thursday, so this isn’t unusual, but it does feel a little like a pressure cooker’s cooking. Why? Oh, you know…
The assumption here is that Joe Kelly was yelling at Ronel Blanco, the pitcher who hit Lux. It’s possible, though, that Joe Kelly was yelling at Alex Bregman. Why might that be the case? Well, Tim Neverett (Dodgers backup radio play-by-play guy) said Joe Kelly was yelling at Bregman earlier in the weekend, before the game on Friday. It’s possible Joe Kelly has anointed this “Yell at Alex Bregman weekend,” and while we don’t know much about Blanco, Bregman and Joe Kelly have some preexisting history. Before complimenting Carlos Correa’s swing in that fated 2020 exchange, Joe Kelly threw some pitches in the vicinity of Alex Bregman. Many believe Joe Kelly was aiming at Bregman’s head. As a Joe Kelly expert, I think he was aiming at Alex Bregman’s back. Bigger target.
28 fanbases are on Joe Kelly’s side in the Joe Kelly vs. Houston Astros feud. The only two who aren’t are 1) Astros fans, which is fair because they have to continue to exist somehow, and 2) White Sox fans, which is fair because Joe Kelly was recently on the White Sox and is cloaked in sadness for them. One day, Jerry Reinsdorf will no longer own the White Sox, and things might be different. For now, everything is tragic for these people.
I bring up the 28 fanbases because I don’t want to make too big a deal out of this next part. Joe Kelly’s legacy is secure. 28 fanbases understand Joe Kelly. I don’t know that Padres and Giants fans like the guy, but they seem to understand who he is, maybe partly because they understand the part of California where Joe Kelly grew up. The only two fanbases that don’t understand Joe Kelly are fanbases without any national respect. White Sox fans are like that cousin no one talks about because all the attempts to get him off of opioids didn’t work. They’re not disliked or anything, and we all hope it gets better, but right now, they’re going through it, leaving them and those around them in danger. Astros fans, meanwhile, discovered baseball in 2017, immediately had to defend something most MLB players felt was indefensible, and come from a city that despite being very cool (we’re pro-Houston here at The Barking Crow) blows it by not being much fun to visit (we feel no need to be delusional about Houston here at The Barking Crow). Nobody is going to think less of Joe Kelly in the long run because of the opinion of some radio host from Katy. That guy (hypothetical, but probably exists) has never watched a game not involving the Astros.
The next part:
There’s a little bit of a mythology in Astros circles which says on that fated night in 2020, Joe Kelly didn’t want to fight Carlos Correa. This is a silly, silly premise. The logic behind it is fine. Carlos Correa is tall and strong, Joe Kelly is skinny and shorter than Correa. Joe Kelly, having struck Correa out to end the inning, was walking off the field when he chirped Correa. Where it gets a little silly is that it’s not on the pitcher to charge the plate. Correa waited until he had plenty of support before pretending he wanted a piece of Joe Kelly. Where it gets even sillier is that two years before the Correa incident, Joe Kelly did this to Tyler Austin, who is a much bigger man than Carlos Correa (almost as tall, sometimes listed as 30 lbs. heavier). Why in the world would Joe Kelly be scared of Carlos Correa if he wasn’t scared of Tyler Austin?
This is the problem with the Astros fan ecosystem. Because they only follow the Astros, they don’t have any awareness of baseball happenings that didn’t involve the Astros. Worse, shunned from the rest of baseball fandom, they’ve grown more extreme with their takes. Astros fans live in a North Korean kind of universe, one impenetrable by any kind of truth or reality. It’s all madness. It’s all delusion.
Joe Kelly loves to fight. A quarter of his book talks about how much he loves fighting. Joe Kelly credits fighting with turning around his relationship with his dad, for the better. Joe Kelly has compiled a top-five list of the teammates he thinks would be most helpful in a fight (I don’t think Joe Kelly was ever rostered alongside Yasiel Puig). Joe Kelly has been getting in fights his whole life. The man knows his way around a scrap.
This experience is why Tyler Austin’s size didn’t matter when he charged the mound against Joe Kelly. Joe Kelly knew what he was doing, and Tyler Austin didn’t. Had Correa tried to fight Joe Kelly, we could have expected a similar result. In fighting, knowing what you’re doing is way more important than size.
Still, the myth persists, and I wonder if Astros fans’ Lost Cause narrative has made its way back to a certain relief pitcher. I wonder if that’s part of why Joe Kelly’s been so noisy this weekend. I wonder if Joe Kelly doesn’t feel the matter is settled.
The Dodgers used four relievers yesterday. Two of them struggled, and the other two pitched across multiple innings. They might only have four relievers available today behind rookie River Ryan. There’s a solid chance Joe Kelly gets into today’s game.
Not many Astros are left from the sign-stealing years. Bregman and Jose Altuve are the most notable. Altuve is a tiny man, and I kind of doubt Joe Kelly would pick on him. Bregman isn’t much bigger than Joe Kelly, and originating from an expensive Albuquerque prep school, Bregman has some specific characteristics Joe Kelly might not like.
Will Joe Kelly fight the Astros today? It might ultimately be up to Bregman to decide. Will Joe Kelly throw at Bregman? If the game’s not in the balance and the situation presents itself, I’d put the chance at 50/50. I am a Joe Kelly expert, and that is my best prognostication. That said…
Joe Kelly still doesn’t have Greg Maddux’s command.
The funniest way this could happen would be with a pitch that authentically gets away.
