Tax Day isn’t tomorrow, but it’s coming up! Time for some little-known tax loopholes.
Tax Day is later this year because our ancestors got rid of slavery.
This one’s true. Tomorrow’s the day they’re recognizing Emancipation Day in D.C., which means IRS offices are closed, which means we all get an extra weekend to do our taxes.
Dogs don’t pay taxes.
Also true! If you’re looking to hide income, set up a bank account in your dog’s name. Nobody would ever think to check the dog’s account! They’d probably assume it was just full of sticks and tennis balls and such. Which…man, that would be cute. Imagine a dog walking up to the teller and depositing a stick and then coming back a year later and getting a stick plus a little twig that it generated as interest. Tail would be wagging so hard.
The IRS will stop garnishing your wages if you ask nicely.
Hope this one’s true. Got an email to write.
If you do your taxes and it turns out you neither owe nor are owed any money, you get one free punch.
You get a free one. You get to punch somebody. I don’t make the rules, guys.
Note: This doesn’t apply if you didn’t make enough money to be subject to federal income tax requirements.
Fatherly or motherly advice from your boss doesn’t count as income.
The government can’t get its hands on those tips about what weekends to go fishing and whether it’s ok to wear your grandma’s sweater to IHOP as part of an elaborate maple syrup heist.
Income acquired more than a mile above the ground is not subject to federal income tax requirements.
Ever wonder why billionaires have private jets? It’s a cause, not an effect. This is why climate stewards are so fired up about creating a new entity to tax elevated income: The SkyRS.
Barry Bonds never killed anybody.
To our knowledge.
“IRS” stands for, “Internal Revenue Service,” and nobody knows what the “Internal” is referring to.
Not a soul.
It is impossible to whisper on your taxes.
Also impossible to shout. No volume buttons on these things.
