Zion Williamson is hurt again, exiting late in the Pelicans’ loss last night to the Lakers. He’d been having himself a night, too.
It’s been fun at times to poke fun at Zion Williamson, someone who’s occupied a lot of different spaces on the “sympathetic character” to “not sympathetic at all” continuum. This, though, stinks. The guy had put together a strong back half of the season, he was playing great in a big postseason game, and now, yet again, he’s hurt. ESPN’s reporting he won’t play on Friday against the Kings in the Western Conference’s final play-in game. Hamstring.
Pelicans fans, Pelicans themselves, Zion Williamson himself…we’re sorry. Yes, you might win on Friday. Yes, if you win on Friday you get the Thunder in the first round instead of the Nuggets. But even this stinks. The second-worst part about the whole ordeal is that New Orleans can talk itself into a possibility of winning without Zion, then getting him back late in the first round. The possibility is as small as it can get without being written off as impossible. This is cruelty on the part of the universe.
The worst part, though, is how the Pelicans announced the injury. Again, from ESPN:
“Willie Green says it’s left leg soreness for Zion Williamson and he will get imaging done tomorrow.”
Left leg soreness?? That’s the best you could do??? Say he pulled something. Say he broke something. Say he has smallpox. What’s the NBA going to do, fine you for being vague?
The worst thing you can do to an athlete, aside from all the things worse than this, is make their injury sound less serious than it is. Especially in a postseason situation. If Jon Scheyer got away with pretending Kyle Filipowski’s ankle was sprained after the Wake Forest court storm, the least Willie Green could have done was say Zion pulled a hammy. The guy’s finally managed to convince people again that he’s serious about basketball, and his own team does this?? It’s like they’d rather be tanking.
Lasers Are Cool
I will admit. I’ve been kind of skeptical on the “Light the Beam” thing. First of all, I didn’t realize how hesitant so many people on the Kings were to embrace it (with the exception of De’Aaron Fox, who was evidently all about it from the beginning). That improves my perception. Going into something with the concern it might be dumb and realizing you love it is one of life’s best feelings. Secondly, I didn’t realize the beam was made of lasers? I thought it was a spotlight. Lasers is so much cooler.
Other ways we could use lasers in sports:
- At the MLB All-Star Game, see which travels faster: A Joe Kelly fastball or a laser.
- Give one player on each NFL defense a heart-stopping laser they can use once a game on an offensive player. Recreate the Damar Hamlin resurrection 32 times every weekend.
- Put a cat on the floor during NBA regular season games and give the mascots laser pointers. Whoever ends the game with the cat closer to the other team’s baseline gets ten extra points.
- Give NASCAR drivers lasers to shoot into each other’s eyes.
- Equip NHL goalies with lasers they can use to strategically melt portions of the ice.
Even these, I’m afraid, don’t live up to the Beam. Not getting old yet, guys. That thing is great.
The Sens Were Bad, and So Was I
The Ottawa Senators played their last game of the season last night, beating the Bruins 3–1. Artem Zub scored the empty-netter to put it away.
I wasn’t a very good Sens fan this year. I didn’t keep up with them well enough. Their 37–45 record and seventh straight season without a playoff berth (fourth since I became a fan) were and are my fault. Which is why, this offseason, I will be locked in on the Sens. The draft? Locked in. Free agency? Locked in. Trade rumors involving Jakob Chychrun? Locked in. See? I even knew there’d be offseason trade rumors involving Jakob Chychrun. I am locked. In.
Of course, I say this every time I mean to do something. Often, I don’t really do it. I say, “Well, I’ll just do it that much harder the next time. I’ll earn this Senators fandom I’ve unnecessarily adopted.” There’s probably a 50% chance I don’t pay attention to the Sens this offseason, a 40% chance I pay attention this offseason but lose track once college football and college basketball start, and a 10% chance that I am a Sens guy through and through by the time December arrives. Place your bets now, and get ready for occasional mentions of the Sens in the “Etc.” portion of these Notes over the next six months.
Aaron Rodgers and HIV
Aaron Rodgers and HIV are in the news, and you can guess where this is going. Rodgers was talking about the novel coronavirus pandemic, he compared it to HIV, and some took it as Rodgers saying the U.S. government created Human Immunodeficiency Virus.
What I want to know is at what point over the last fifteen years this became the assumption for anyone hearing, “Aaron Rodgers and HIV are in the news.” Because if you heard this in 2013, for instance, when Rodgers’s rift with long-time assistant Kevin Lanflisi was a current event, you would have assumed anything involving Rodgers and HIV had to do with Aaron Rodgers’s sexuality. Today, our heads go to “conspiracy theory.” At some point, there was a switch between these two things. What I want to know is when. At what point did people stop speculating about whether or not Aaron Rodgers was gay and start talking about him and conspiracy theories? At what point will people start making their own conspiracy theories saying his conspiracy theories are a conspiracy to distract from those other conspiracy theories saying Aaron Rodgers is gay?
I want a graph.
Etc.
Chicago:
- Proposal: If the Bulls win tonight, you and I hang a banner for getting to the second round of the Play-In Tournament. If they lose, you and I never speak of it again. (Tim Robinson’s doing an ITYSL show in Austin, so I’m gonna miss most if not all of the game.)
- Cody Bellinger went off today against the Diamondbacks, which is a fun thing to say about a baseball player. Usually it doesn’t happen fast enough to say a hitter’s going off. Credit to Cody Bellinger for the pace of his slugging.
Joe Kelly:
- Great outing for our guy last night. Got a little dicey after the CJ Abrams foul tip meant everyone had to come back out of the dugout and finish the inning, but Joe Kelly bounced back. Much better stats than Josh Hader right now. We might have to do a Joe Kelly vs. Josh Hader comparison soon.
