Fargo’s digestive system is having a rough go of it again, and we don’t know exactly why but it may be that she needs to get back on a low dose of steroids for a bit, in which case we can only hope she either saves baseball or gets Clemson back to the College Football Playoff.
NASCAR’s Got a Stalker
Freaky story out of North Carolina, where Truck Series Most Popular Driver Hailie Deegan skipped a race due to fears about her and her boyfriend’s safety. Here’s the rundown from the Daytona Beach News-Journal. The meat of it is that someone impersonated Deegan on Twitter, catfished someone else, and that someone else bought it and bought a lot of other things associated with it. Sad, wacky, scary, sad again…not a good situation. Hope everyone’s ok, especially Deegan and her boyfriend.
In other places where vehicles have wheels, IndyCar and Formula 1 are both back this weekend, so we’ve got all three series in action to go with MLB opening weekend, NBA (regular season) closing weekend, and the Masters. Nice little comedown from the NIT. Speaking of which…
Who Has a Better Football Program: Xavier vs. Kansas
Of the four men’s college basketball postseason tournament champions (Fresno State won The Basketball Classic, UNC-Wilmington won the CBI), Fresno State has the best football program, which is kind of boring, so let’s ignore them. Xavier vs. Kansas, let’s do it.
Working in Kansas’s favor is that it has a football program. Working in Xavier’s favor is that Kansas has the football program it does. In the end, it’s a matter of taste, but I’m going to be the bigger man here and admit Kansas is on top right now, if only so that I can use the wins over Texas as my rationale. If your football program exists to provide comedy, it jumps even a mediocre program, let alone a nonexistent one.
Of course, real fans know the best football program from a postseason college basketball tournament champion comes from South Dakota State, the WNIT champs, South Carolina’s pending top-25 preseason ranking off a good bowl result notwithstanding. The Jacks are often just about as good as South Carolina on paper despite playing a whole level down in the NCAA apparatus. The Jacks can be described as a powerhouse.
Overall, I’d rank the six as follows:
1. South Dakota State
2. Kansas (because of present comedy—if they’re sad bad this year, they drop to last)
3. Fresno State (they’ve had their moments)
4. Xavier (trumps UNCW because the undefeated-in-football joke is more beloved by traditionally good basketball schools)
5. UNC-Wilmington (unless that school is Marquette, where it feels annoying thanks to my exposure to too many Marquette people in my youth)
6. South Carolina (I mean, at some point, what’s the point?)
Sens/Habs
The Senators visit the Habitants tonight (that’s French Canadian for “Canadiens,” if the italics didn’t give it away) at 7:00 PM EDT on ESPN+.
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Viewing schedule goes Sens then Kings/Pelicans, because I’ve been wanting, for quite some time now, to talk loudly through my open window about how Vanderbilt could have won a national championship in 2015 if Stanford didn’t shut down Damian Jones. No idea where I can watch that game. Might just have the gamecast up on my computer and say, “Yep, Stanford really frustrated him that night. That was a good team, that Stanford team. Wild they let Johnny Dawkins go. Would you let Johnny Dawkins go? I wouldn’t let Johnny Dawkins go. Think he might thrive in the Big 12. UCF’s just gotta hold on a little longer. The Big 12 lifts all ships. Johnny Dawkins’ll have the guys ready to play in Morgantown, too, you know. He’ll have those guys ready to play. That’s important in Morgantown. You have to have the guys ready to play. Same story in Lubbock but I wonder if Lubbock’ll really be that hard a place to play for teams Texas Tech thinks of lightly. That’s the risk when you become good, you know. It becomes a lot less fun. Better to stay an NIT team. That’s why Stanford should’ve kept Johnny Dawkins. Say what you will about the guy, but he made the fuckin’ NIT. Three times in four years and you sack him when he misses a fourth? Johnny Dawkins, who won you two titles in four seasons? Who the fuck does Stanford think they are? Who the fucking fuck does Stanford think they are?? Those fucking nerds wouldn’t know good basketball if it brought two trophies in their fucking front door, WHICH IT DID. FUCK STANFORD! FUCK THOSE MOTHERFUCKERS! FUCK THOSE FUCKING MOTHERFUCKING FUCKERS! Johnny Dawkins’ll have the guys ready in Morgantown. Jerod Haase would never have the guys ready in Morgantown.”
That’s what I’ll say.
Out my open window.
