To address the elephant in the room: Yes. NHL free agency is kicking NBA free agency’s ass. Is this because the two operate on different timelines? I don’t think so. If I correctly understand the Lakers hiring JJ Redick then also hiring Dan Hurley then hiring JJ Redick again, NBA news is not dependent upon real-world events. NBA news happens in a mostly digital reality loosely connected to ours, one in which two intergenerational dorks wrestle in perpetuity for universal dominance. NHL news? That’s the real world. The Predators are loading up. The Senators are behaving strangely. We will have more in Wednesday’s edition of Disco Inferno.
Anyway, one interesting thing going on in the NBA:
The Spurs are allegedly signing Chris Paul.
It’s a busy time for Victor Wembanyama. Two French nationalist movements control the headlines, and he’s leading the international one—the one where those the British call “Frogs” finally capitalize upon their leaping ability and annex the sport of basketball into their domain. Every good NBA player is supposed to be French, now or in the near future, and this aspiration rests on Victor Wembanyama’s slender shoulders. Zaccharie Risacher is not expected to provide any help at all.
Maybe Chris Paul’s addition is a ploy towards this end. Maybe Chris Paul—famously disagreeable, infamously a career loser—was a French plot all along. Maybe Gregg Popovich—famously fond of wine, infamously not fond of Dennis Rodman—is preparing to defect to l’Hexagone. What many are afraid of, though, is not that Chris Paul’s arrival in San Antonio is a gigantic French conspiracy, but rather that Chris Paul will ruin Victor Wembanyama’s vibes.
Let’s take them one at a time.
A French conspiracy in San Antonio is unlikely to succeed. The concept adds up, but San Antonio might be the least French place in the world. San Antonio does not give a shit about the finer things. San Antonio gives a shit about San Antonio. Real estate conglomerates tried to gentrify San Antonio a few years ago, and it didn’t work. Açai bowls went uneaten. Forty-dollar haircuts went unpurchased. You think San Antonians are going to start eating snails because of a potent pick and roll?
Paul ruining Wembanyama’s vibes is, thankfully, also unlikely to happen. Paul has bad vibes himself, but they don’t seem to take down his teammates. Blake Griffin? Great vibes. DeAndre Jordan? Great vibes. Devin Booker? Ok, there you have a point, but who’s to say Booker didn’t catch the bad vibe disease from Kevin Durant? Even Deandre Ayton’s vibes are reportedly rehabilitating in Portland, and as anyone familiar with Nate Oats’s career arc can attest, Ayton’s vibes were terrible well before he and Paul crossed paths.
From what we know, Chris Paul’s bad vibes—though a serious case—are not communicable. A point guard’s point guard, Paul facilitates without ruining other people in the process. Popovich knows this. He knows he won’t win a title with Chris Paul, but that’s not the point. The point is that Wembanyama can develop within a competent offense instead of having to be the veteran presence for Stephon Castle, and that Stephon Castle can learn things without needing to be a Wembanyama-worthy partner from Day One.
Popovich is undoubtedly trying to lead a French uprising along the San Antonio River. This is real, and although San Antonio is well-equipped to stymie the effort, we should take it seriously. Thankfully, we don’t need to worry about Chris Paul ruining Victor Wembanyama as part of that process. We can still expect silly H-E-B commercials. In fact, they might be even sillier this year. Do you think State Farm retained the Cliff Paul intellectual property?? I hope not. What a twist that would be on Texan airwaves.
Etc.
- There was brief speculation on Saturday that the Lakers could make a push for James Harden. A moment of silence, then, for what could have been:
- On Canada Day Eve, Zach Edey announced he’s withdrawing from consideration for his country’s Olympic team. Why? He’s prioritizing the Memphis Grizzlies. Memphis over Canada. Tough look, maple-suckers.
- The Cubs stink, but to my knowledge no Wrigley Field escalator has ever entered into freefall like one did on Saturday at the building formerly known as Miller Park. I understand people got hurt, but with no deaths, I think we can call this funny. An escalator unexpectedly moving much too fast? Hilarious concept. Would be better if it had been going up really fast instead of down really fast (I’m picturing that ride in Rollercoaster Tycoon where you could launch passengers into a fiery crash), but still quite humorous.
- JaMarcus Russell’s former team (Williamson High School, not the Raiders) is suing him. The school alleges that Russell, at the time a volunteer assistant coach, stole money donated for the purpose of buying weight room equipment. So that’s sad.
- In a different category of sad, Dick Vitale announced on Friday that his cancer is back. He’ll have surgery tomorrow and will, of course, be in many of our prayers.
