I was on ESPN’s website today, to make myself feel like it was 2007 again, and there was an “ICYMI” (in case you missed it) video on the sidebar that I’d missed, which feels like the first time in my life that the ICYMI concept applied when used. The video in question? Effectively a supercut of shoulders to the jaw in that UNC/Michigan game a few days ago.
Watching the video, I found myself experiencing a different reaction when Hunter Dickinson hit Armando Bacot in the face than I did when Armando Bacot hit ol’ whatshisname in the face. When Dickinson did it, I thought, “You don’t do that to Armando Bacot.” When Bacot did it, I thought, “That’s a good, hard screen.”
A lot of this is probably Dickinson. The guy is the most unlikable college basketball figure in recent memory, which says a lot considering we’re still living in the Krzyzewski era. Dickinson’s loathe-ability is alleged to be a bit, but I’m not buying it. The guy’s a douchebag, and he’s so naturally a douchebag that there’s no steering into it left to be done. This isn’t like Jay Bilas being a little douchey and then turning on the jets for content. This is like a man with chronic diarrhea saying, “Oh, I’m not really shitting my pants in public spaces. It’s just a bit.”
A lot of it too, though, is that UNC—despite having all the pompous, self-glorifying unearned confidence of Michigan as a broader community—gets to be Duke’s foil. And what a foil to get to be. We’ve already mentioned Duke twice in here, and we weren’t even thinking about hate until that last paragraph.
There is more redeeming UNC than there is redeeming Michigan. I’ll concede that. In the storied past, Michigan has molestor-enabling Bo Schembechler while UNC has civil-rights-supporting Dean Smith. In the fine-not-amazing present, UNC has Bacot while Michigan has Dickinson. But at the same time, UNC is up there in the public school dislikability rankings, and specifically in the preppy category. Alabama’s dislikable, but you don’t feel a need to punch them in the face. Texas is dislikable, but again, no face-punching. UNC? I can think of no other non-Michigan face I’d rather punch, at least looking at this nationally. Private schools? Another matter. But that’s the thing about UNC and Michigan: They’re impersonating private schools. And yeah, so’s Virginia, and no, I don’t know why Virginia doesn’t get away with it, and yeah, there are elements of this at Oregon and Washington and even Oklahoma, but those are local matters. You can see UNC’s collar from the International Space Station.
One explanation of all of this is that basketball is a “cooler” sport than football. Its people are smoother, easier to synchronize to the natural rhythm of mankind. Basketball schools are more approachable than football schools, on the whole. You’d rather have a conversation with a basketball school. You’d rather drink sixteen beers and eat burgers with a football school.
I don’t know why we’re talking about this right before Christmas weekend. Maybe it’s the ICYMI video. Maybe it’s me knowing there’s at least one UNC-Michigan household out there, and me then hoping that UNC-Michigan household has a big fight involving driveway priorities for a leased BMW. Merry Christmas, friends. But an especially merry one to that family.
**
Viewing itinerary for the weekend:
Sunday, 8:30 PM EST: Diamond Head Classic Championship (ESPN2)
Ok, important caveat here: If this is not Washington State vs. Utah State, we’re not watching. If it is those two, though, great NIT implications, Game of the NITe of the Christmas. Which I suppose makes tonight’s action a little sidequest. So let’s include it here too:
Friday, 7:00 PM EST: SMU vs. Utah State (ESPN2)
Friday/Saturday, 12:30 AM EST: Washington State vs. Hawaii (ESPN2)
Might have to parlay Utah State and Washington State on the moneyline. Sad to bet against our guy Kamaka Hepa, though.
Friday, 3:00 PM EST: Independence Bowl (ESPN)
Friday, 6:30 PM EST: Gasparilla Bowl (ESPN)
Saturday, 8:00 PM EST: Hawai’i Bowl (ESPN)
I like that they sneak the bowl game in between days of the Diamond Head Classic. Honolulu’s a city that knows what it’s doing.
Friday, 7:30 PM EST: Bulls @ Knicks (League Pass)
Despicable that this isn’t being played on Christmas, but on the bright side, nobody has to watch the Bulls on Christmas this way.
Saturday, 1:00 PM EST: Lions @ Panthers (FOX)
Saturday, 1:00 PM EST: Giants @ Vikings (FOX)
Saturday, 1:00 PM EST: Seahawks @ Chiefs (FOX)
Saturday, 4:05 PM EST: Commanders @ 49ers (CBS)
Sunday, 1:00 PM EST: Packers @ Dolphins (FOX)
And finally, scoreboard-watching season. I have no idea why Joe keeps saying the Packers probably control their fate. Need a lot of losses here from the counterparts, and that’s just on Christmas Eve.
