Note: I wrote this before LeBron & Co. tipped off against Serbia. To cover our bases, then: WOULD THE MALE TEAM USA BE LOSING TO SERBIA AT HALFTIME IF THEY HAD CAITLIN CLARK?
Tomorrow, the U.S. women’s basketball team plays Australia in the Olympic semifinals. Win? They’ll play the winner of France and Belgium in the gold medal game. Lose? I’m not sure we have to worry about that. The U.S. has won 59 straight games in the Olympics. They’ve only lost three Olympic games, ever. The last time they didn’t win gold was 1992.
Imagine what they could do if they’d rostered Caitlin Clark.
Is there a medal better than gold? Is there a tournament higher than the Olympics? Is there an award for winning all your games by triple digits instead of double digits? At what point does a team become so good in its own sport that it starts accumulating medals from other sports as well? Could Team USA With Caitlin Clark™ win the water polo tournament? The men’s basketball tournament? That kayak cross thing? We know Caitlin Clark wouldn’t have lost to Australia in swimming. She would have dribbled across the water, levitating on a pool filled with the tears of her infinite critics. Imagine China trying to compete in diving if Caitlin Clark was on the springboard.
If the Democratic Party (or whatever the organization is that determines the Olympic roster) thinks they’ll get away with this if the U.S. wins gold, they’ve got another thing coming. There is nothing we can’t say about Caitlin Clark so long as we believe enough in ourselves. You know who taught us that? The believing–in–yourself GOAT herself: Caitlin Clark.
Etc.
- Did Flavor Flav jinx the U.S. women’s water polo team? After three straight gold medals before he became their official hype man, the best they can do this year is bronze. They lost just now to Australia. So much for naval supremacy.
- Nick Foles announced his retirement today, and as someone who lived in Minneapolis during that Eagles run and wasn’t particularly fond of certain aspects of the local culture, I can’t personally thank him enough for beating the Vikings and then winning the Super Bowl in the Vikings’ home stadium. I can’t imagine how actual Philadelphians must feel about the guy.
