I don’t want to be a dick to Ryan Reynolds. I don’t want to be a dick in general, and in this moment I specifically don’t want to be a dick to Ryan Reynolds, and I’m afraid I’m about to be a dick to Ryan Reynolds. I think Ryan Reynolds is probably a really nice guy.
I just don’t know if he has a soul.
Today, Reynolds and costar Rob McElhenney announced their involvement in the purchase of a 24% stake of Alpine Racing, the Formula 1 team of French car manufacturer Renault. Their investment group is one of three involved in the transaction, so it’s unclear how much those two guys own themselves, but it’s a great F1 headline among certain moths, and it’s going to give Ryan Reynolds and Rob McElhenney even more facetime across the media, which appears to be their ultimate goal.
I’m targeting Reynolds instead of McElhenney here not because McElhenney’s doing anything different from Reynolds, but because McElhenney established that he’s a human being before launching his docuseries career. McElhenney co-created one of the funniest television shows in history. McElhenney isn’t the prettiest man in People Magazine. McElhenney’s not as good as Reynolds at whatever we want to call this game Reynolds plays. He might be doing the same thing as Reynolds is doing with all of this, but unlike his costar, McElhenney’s done things in his life which indicate he has interests and passions and some capacity to be himself rather than an airbrushed mirror of what pop media wants in its white knight.
The thing that gets glossed over with Reynolds and McElhenney’s Wrexham A.F.C. investment is how impossible it was for the endeavor to fail. Two movie stars took anticipated Disney resources to a fifth-tier club, and even if they’d mismanaged the thing into the ground, the so-called risk was that the pair would generate some bad will in a single Welsh city less than a quarter the size of Anchorage. Also? Once it found a solvent owner, Wrexham was primed to bounce back. The team was in Britain’s third tier less than twenty years ago, and it occupied that third tier for the plurality or majority of its history. Failure in soccer is a consequential thing overseas, but throwing a bunch of money at a team underperforming its historic precedent is a pretty safe way to help water find its level.
The other thing that gets glossed over with Reynolds and McElhenney’s Wrexham A.F.C. investment is how much the accompanying TV show, Welcome to Wrexham, is about them and how little the show is about Wrexham, or Wrexham A.F.C., or Wales, or soccer. The show’s enjoyed rave reviews from people who aren’t European and don’t watch sports. It’s been called a Reynolds–McElhenney infomercial by those who are and those who do. Wrexham fans are happy, no doubt, their team’s the best it’s been since Wales was governed by Tony Blair, but when the novelty wears off and the revenue isn’t all that juiced compared to their leaguemates and Reynolds and McElhenney get bored and—I don’t know—buy part of an F1 team, Wrexham will return to right about where it is now: A fourth-tier club with a bunch of self-proclaimed “fans” in the United States who’ve watched at most one (1) of the team’s games. Buying Wrexham was a strategic choice. You can tell because so much effort was put into making it look like it wasn’t strategic.
There’s nothing wrong with Reynolds and McElhenney buying Wrexham or buying it in this way. That’s the thing about true strategy in a public-facing industry. It often backdoors you into doing good or noble things, like when Mayor Pete ended up serving in Afghanistan because he saw a path there towards one day being president. Noble? Yes. Brave? Yes. Calculated? Yes.
Now, the pair is moving onto F1, stepping into an even more glamourizable position.
For those who haven’t followed Formula 1, its basic historic trajectory in the U.S. and Canada is as follows:
- 1950–2018: Super cool historic racing series that never fully caught on in the U.S. and Canada and had issues generating competition at times but featured great drivers and world-class engineering.
- 2019–2020: Super cool historic racing series with better competition than its historic norm and a brilliantly produced Netflix series finally pushing it into the American consciousness, just more among pop culture followers than sports fans.
- 2021: Super cool historic racing series with a thrilling, historic season amidst all-time high interest in the United States, unfortunately sullied in the season’s final race when the season driver’s championship came down to an arbitrary decision by a race official.
- 2022–2023: Celebrity photo op and feature article fodder two or three times a year.
F1’s star continues to rise in the U.S. and Canada, but the quality of the product on the track is near an all-time low. Competition is nowhere to be seen, and Red Bull’s dominance has come amidst some regulatory black eyes which make it seem financial gamesmanship, not excellence, is driving the winning. Fans from 2020 and prior are outnumbered by more recent converts who approach the sport like competitive tabloid readers, and fans from 2018 and prior are unicorns. The most noteworthy personality trait of the sport’s current dominant driver is his unlikability, but he’s not enough of a jackass to be a good villain. F1’s a great sport, but it’s at its worst right now, and the fact its North American interest is rising while it’s at this worst demonstrates that we’re not watching new fans fall in love with the sport itself. They’re doing it for looks.
Of course this is the moment Ryan Reynolds hops on board.
Having successfully cosplayed as Wimbledon John Green, Ryan Reynolds is on to cosplaying as someone who happened to click on the first season of Drive to Survive on Netflix back when it was first released in 2019, before the Covid-fueled streaming boom made the docuseries the perceived blueprint for sports other than American football to succeed in America.
It’s one thing for an accomplished person in a difficult field to pursue their interests and have some fun. There’s nothing wrong with that. But you can have a hobby without turning it into a TV show.
Ryan Reynolds has worked professionally as an actor for more than thirty years, achieving remarkable commercial success. Throughout this career, he has been nominated for one Golden Globe, no Oscars, and no Emmys. Again, there’s nothing wrong with this. But commercial success is clearly the goal, and specifically it’s risk-free commercial success. Ryan Reynolds doesn’t seem to be looking for Ron Woodroof roles. That’s the approach on display with Wrexham, and now with Alpine Racing.
For the fourth time, there is nothing all that wrong with this way of going about life. It’s just empty. That’s all. It cheapens the sports allegiances of real people, and it provokes the question of what in this guy’s life is anything other than a commercially calculated move.
People love to talk about how “good at Instagram” Ryan Reynolds and Blake Lively are.
Instagram is a fucked-up thing to be good at.
Zian Flemming Is a Great Name for a Jameis Blond Novelist
To stick with Britain and soccer for a second:
Burnley tried to sign Zian Flemming from Millwall and it didn’t work but in the process we learned Zian Flemming exists, so let us say: Zian Flemming is a very funny name when viewed in comparison to Ian Fleming. There has to be a market for Zian Flemming paperbacks, right?
Houston Tried
To stick with soccer but pivot to America (I swear we’re done for the day with soccer after this), I saw some Houston Dynamo FC fans downtown on Saturday around lunchtime. Respect to the Dynamics for making the trip.
I’ve been making a lot of fun of people for how they consume soccer lately, and I don’t really want my brand to be the guy who gatekeeps his sixth-favorite sport, but I do want to say that I appreciate those giving MLS fandom their all. It’s not my thing, it’s not for me, it feels contrived, but it has to start somewhere. It’s like how I complain about Austin not having very many nice, walkable neighborhoods but then also complain about moving to Mueller, a new, walkable neighborhood that in a few more years will probably be really nice (honestly, we just need a second ice cream shop—Lick isn’t getting it done). The thing we want requires a thing we’re going to make fun of in the meantime. Respect, Dynamiters.
Oh, also, I guess Austin shitpumped Houston. Fuck yeah, Verde! Fuck ‘em up! Fuck those fuckers!!!!
Pacman Jones!
Speaking of things I like to shit on, The Athletic ran a piece by Zak Keefer today on what Pacman Jones is up to, and it feels straight out of ESPN the Magazine circa 2007. So, if you’ve got a subscription or they’re doing the one-dollar thing right now and you want in, give it a read. Great human interest stuff.
Also? Man, those WVU teams were so fun. Wore my Mountaineers hat yesterday, I’m realizing. Great hat. Great teams. Need that program back in the top ten.
Joe Kelly Did Not Have to Poop
Speaking of things I like to shit, there was no pooping from Joe Kelly during the eighth inning on Saturday. He was merely removing a leg brace.
In related news, there’s a big promotion going on right now involving Joe Kelly’s book. Hear about it below, and tune in tonight to see if our hero gets to pitch against his hometown Angels, who almost drafted him years ago except he got too drunk and told them he wasn’t signing unless the bonus was something like 300% over slot.
