Sorry, everybody. I missed the memo that Tom Brady’s Roast was going to be today’s big sports story. I saw the commercials for it, thought, “That’s fun,” and then assumed I’d watch it sometime late at night as a rerun while eating Dominos, because that’s how I used to watch all the Comedy Central roasts. I forgot that we don’t watch reruns anymore. Not like that, anyway.
Meanwhile, Tom Brady’s also in the news because a soccer team he partly owns is being relegated to England’s third tier. Which makes our own Tom Brady focus this afternoon the third-biggest Tom Brady story:
What is this guy up to?
He’s trying to buy part of the Raiders. Jerod Mayo’s joking around about him helping coach the Patriots. He’s under contract to be a broadcaster this fall?
The most Tom Brady thing to do here would be to start the season as a broadcaster, do a bunch of those game prep meetings with the teams he’s covering, then buy out his own contract, take that inside information, and go join the Raiders or the Patriots in whatever capacity he can. In other words: I don’t think we’ve had our last Tom Brady possible cheating scandal.
Noses vs. Tongues
Great weekend for racing. The Kentucky Derby was won by a nose. NASCAR’s Cup Series race at Kansas was won by a thousandth of a second. The latter called to mind Lightning McQueen winning by sticking his tongue out. Which makes us ask:
Are noses or tongues better?
I’m going to go with noses. Smelling is a big part of taste, and it’s easier to turn smell off than to turn off taste. You’d sound weirder without a tongue, but you could still communicate. Without a nose, you’re Voldemort.
Is Formula 1 About to Get Good Again?
A short history of Formula 1 in the United States goes as follows:
- Prior to 2019, F1 was known by a few American diehards, but it was a very, very small deal in this country.
- In 2019, Netflix released a docuseries about the 2018 F1 season called Drive to Survive. It became a cult favorite right away, but in 2020, its second season really popped as part of the Covid streaming boom.
- Entering the 2021 season, then, F1 was at a new level of popularity in the USA. This was a good time to be popular. Most races happened at odd hours, but with Netflix-watching types less likely to stay out late, they were available to get up early on Sunday mornings to watch. Also, 2021 featured possibly the best season-long championship duel in F1 history. Great year for F1 stateside.
- “Netflix-watching types” is partly code. The real group that wasn’t going out on weekends was Blue America. Who’s a very Blue America sports-interested group? Sports media. Add in that sports media wasn’t able to cover as many Saturday night sporting events in person, and F1 fell providentially into the sports media lap. Rare was the sports blogger or sports journalist not at least cursorily aware of F1. By appearances within this industry, F1 looked like the new gigantic thing.
- In 2022, Mercedes fell off, Red Bull had no competition, and F1 became rather boring. It got even worse in 2023. Dominance can be cool, but the combination of most American F1 fans being newbies, Red Bull getting in some rulebreaking trouble, and Max Verstappen being too unlikable to be a hero and too boring to be a villain spelled doom for storylines. Meanwhile, people started going to bars again on Saturdays, and media started covering football and basketball in person, and summer vacations became active again. Today, my impression is that F1’s popularity in America is still growing, but that its pace has greatly decelerated, and that sports media has almost entirely lost interest. There are more diehards than there were in 2018, but the perceptions of a boom are much lesser than they were two and a half years ago.
It’s against this backdrop that F1 got arguably its most interesting result of the last season and a half yesterday in Miami. Lando Norris, the favorite driver of many among the Netflix-watching crowd, won his first career grand prix.
Even if it hadn’t been Norris specifically, the result would have raised some eyebrows. After inheriting the lead through the F1 equivalent of a big fourth-down conversion (McLaren had Norris stay out a long time, hoping for a wreck to make it less costly to pit, and McLaren got that wreck), Norris drove away from Max Verstappen over the back half of the race. This, after McLaren debuted a heavily modified car. I’m not an F1 expert, but my impression is that Norris had the faster car yesterday. That is new. Add back in that it’s Norris, and that McLaren is the favorite team of the Netflix crowd? Pretty good draw for F1. It isn’t going to catch NASCAR anytime soon in consistent ratings, but it might be worth paying attention to again.
Rudy Gobert Produced an Heir
Classic French people making us think about sex. Perverts.
Rudy Gobert might be late to tonight’s Game 2, if he makes it at all. As of the time I’m writing this, we don’t know. However it turns out, though, can you imagine if this was LeBron? The scene LeBron would make as he jogged out of the locker room to check into the game…
Thank God LeBron James never had a kid during the NBA Playoffs.
Would have been awesome if it was Michael Jordan, though. Although he probably would have just skipped the birth of his child. Which feels a little wrong.
Etc.
The NIT:
- Deivon Smith has committed to St. John’s, which is a real good–to–evil transition in the current NIT world. I still don’t know what this says, but so many NIT stars landing with coaches who declined NIT bids has to say something.
Chicago:
- Hilarious optics with Caleb Williams on Saturday: He’s waving to the crowd one minute, the Cubs’ bullpen is protesting something the next, lighting itself on fire in front of thousands. The Cubs did win the game, but not a great omen for the Bears.
- Speaking of fire: Christopher Morel is on it. Christopher Morel is en fuego. Few players are more fun to have hot than Christopher Morel. Vibe king.
Joe Kelly, Burnley, and the Ottawa Senators:
- Really good Joe Kelly weekend as the Dodgers swept the Braves. Two appearances, no baserunners. Evan Phillips went down with a hamstring injury, but Blake Treinen’s back, so while Joe Kelly’s leverage might increase for two reasons (he’s pitching better and they need him more), he’s probably not going to pick up more innings in total. Tonight, against the Marlins, it’s unlikely we’ll see him. Would imagine everyone but Treinen will be used ahead of him unless it’s close, and that’s decently unlikely because this is the Dodgers and the Marlins.
- The Sens have reportedly landed on their new head coach, and it’s reportedly Travis Green, former head coach of the Canucks and recent interim coach of the Devils. Nobody seems excited, and a lot of head coaching positions are open, but I’m assuming it’s unlikely the Sens were going to get anyone known to be good, so they went with a higher-floor option than some alternatives? I don’t know. Weird move. I have already forgotten the guy’s name.
- Elsewhere in Sens Land, Belleville lost in overtime on Friday. Game 3 isn’t until Wednesday. Four days of rest. Like this is 1935 and they’re traveling by locomotive.
- Burnley opened hot. We’ll say that. Their relegation will be official on Saturday (if not sooner—Nottingham has an appeal decision coming soon about their points deduction for rulebreaking), but they came out of the gate looking great. Lost 4–1 and it wasn’t that close, but they came out of the gate looking great.
Austin FC:
- Austin FC tied Vancouver on Saturday, bringing the Mean Verde up to 2–0–1 since we started including them in these blog posts again. Or 2–1–0. There is no natural way to include ties when writing out a team’s record. The NFL vs. Soccer disagreement has left it impossible to know what means what.
