Have you ever seen an electric factory in action?
Well, then I guess you didn’t watch the eighth inning of last night’s White Sox/Tigers game.
There were concerns about the White Sox rushing Joe Kelly back from a hamstring injury one observant called “certainly the most consequential hamstring history in the course of humankind, and given the strength of Joe Kelly’s muscles, able to throw baseballs one hundred miles per hour despite his slight frame, possibly also the most physically serious.” Those concerns are fair. But at the same time, the White Sox didn’t sign Joe Kelly to have an intact hamstring. They signed him to win baseball games. And right now, the White Sox are winning baseball games again.
Since Joe Kelly returned to the White Sox’ active roster, the team is tied for the best record in the Majors, a perfect 2-0 mark. Today, they shut the Tigers out despite Joe Kelly not even throwing a pitch (with his arm or his mind). Also scored 13 runs, also without him throwing a pitch. Or even swinging a bat. Very impressive stuff from the White Sox. Call that The Joe Kelly Effect.
Statistically, it was one of Kelly’s better outings. Two strikeouts. One groundout. Millions of souls inspired. His fastball wasn’t its fastest, but the guy didn’t have any rehab outings, and his offspeed bent like an emotional crowbar failing to crack open Tony La Russa’s stony heart. Command was there, too, which is always a nice luxury.
Will the White Sox ever lose again? Probably. There are a lot of things working against them. Even The Joe Kelly Effect can only do so much. But boy, is “so much” a lot in this case. You could even say it’s “so much.”
Hockey
The Stanley Cup Finals start tonight, and for those of you tracking our cultural interests, we’re in on the Lightning. They might not be in a place where you want a good hockey team to be, geographically, but Tampa’s embraced them, and even with those fears of Tampa becoming too powerful as a city, the Lightning aren’t really our problem down there. The Avalanche, meanwhile, are carpetbaggers. They should still be in Quebec (Avalanche is a great name but come on, NHL, should’ve been an expansion franchise).
Renaming George Washington
No, no, not the guy. He still gets to be named George, and George Washington University still gets to be named George Washington University. But George Washington University will no longer be the Colonials, because the idea of going and forming a colony somewhere already habited understandably rubs some people the wrong way (especially the sort of people who go to college in the heart of D.C.). Trespassing, some might say. And then, well, there are a lot of other bad things with colonies. Some good things, too, but I get the idea here. I did, after all, just spend two weeks hating on five state flags. We’re a little short on time, so no immediate suggestions for the new nickname besides shortening it to “Colons,” but rest assured: We will revisit this. I mean, these guys won the 2015 NIT. Against a well-hyped Valpo team (who also changed their nickname recently WOW what an NIT that will look like in hindsight).
Mason Ramsey Has Done It Again
Another WOW. Check this out:
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Viewing schedule for the evening is just the hockey game (8:00 PM EDT, ABC) and the Cubs, since Joe Kelly already won today. Still trying to figure out Caleb Kilian’s vibes. Let him be, guys. Let him settle into it.
