To those of you who enjoyed Kike Hernández on last night’s Red Sox/Yankees broadcast: Isn’t he great? Was a fun guy to follow when he and Joe Kelly were on the Dodgers together. And on the topic of a guy known for hitting batters with pitches…
Craig Counsell Sucks
Some have said I’m not the guy to give lectures about hit-by-pitch etiquette given my wholehearted embrace of a fella best-known for sparking conflict from the pitcher’s mound. Au contraire, mon ami.
There are three main historic incidents involving Joe Kelly and physical combat. The most noteworthy is him throwing behind Alex Bregman by a few feet and stealing Carlos Correa’s soul with a pouty face (no punches exchanged, so technically not physical combat). The second most-known is him drilling Tyler Austin for spiking Brock Holt, then beating Austin up when he came to the mound to pretend he was tough. The third is when Kelly threw inside to Hanley Ramírez in the 2013 NLCS and broke his future teammate’s rib (no punches exchanged here, either, but a bone was broken, so technically still combat, I think).
That third one applies really well here, because it’s the kind of thing the Brewers have been doing to the Cubs for the last few years. Thankfully, no ribs have been broken (or kneecaps, relevantly), but the Brewers have made it their gameplan to do what Dodgers fans justifiably loathed Joe Kelly for years for doing one time: Throwing inside without the ability to control it. It’s a dangerous game, but it gets outs, and outs get wins, and wins make money, so it’s hard to be too mad at it. Or it would be. Were the Brewers not pretending they don’t do this.
On Saturday, if you missed it, after Willson Contreras got hit with yet another fastball up and in and a 91-mph slider crashed full-on into Ian Happ’s patella, Keegan Thompson pegged Andrew McCutchen in the hip. He threw a slider outside, and then he threw fastballs inside, missing McCutchen narrowly with one before connecting and sending the situation boiling over.
McCutchen was upset, and he explained why in his comments after the game, saying he thought Thompson put him in a dangerous situation by opening with the offspeed pitch, setting the batter up to be unprepared for a fastball in. This was reasonable and fair. Thompson should have hit him with the first pitch, and if he missed, he should have left it at that. Conspicuously, McCutchen didn’t give much mention to the other guy who put him in a dangerous situation—his manager, Craig Holier-than-Thounsell.
When the incident happened, Counsell was among the most irate at Thompson, which would be funny if it didn’t make one wonder whether the manager is a sociopath. He might as well have put on the hot dog suit, because while Thompson definitely put McCutchen in danger (and as we’ve said, Thompson should’ve handled this differently, and as we have not said, the different way to handle this should have been to walk to the Brewer dugout and challenge Craig Counsell to a duel), the ultimate fault lies with Counsell. It’s Counsell’s team that’s been wantonly throwing fastballs up and in for a few seasons now. It’s gone wrong upwards of a dozen times. And if you’re going to play that game, you have to understand the reactions it draws.
My personal disdain for Counsell started with all that rainout shit a few years ago. Counsell was right, of course—the Cubs dodged the Brewers by canceling a game too early, the rain didn’t happen, Counsell was 100% correct. But the sniveling way in which he addressed it got under my skin, and he’s been in my head ever since. I’ll readily admit that: Craig Counsell’s in my head. When suspicious signs arose regarding the Brewers and technology-driven sign-stealing in the couple years that followed, I was ready to believe them, and I’ve been as giddy as anyone when Christian Yelich has failed time after time in an era in which sign-stealing’s under greater scrutiny. Now, there’s this.
The really fucked-up thing about this is that Thompson, who hit a guy in the hip, is getting suspended while Brandon Woodruff, who threw yet another reckless fastball up and in (objectively more dangerous, a lot closer to the head than Thompson’s) walks free. I’m not saying Woodruff should be suspended, but the Cubs have no recourse against their guys being target practice besides designating a reliever to take a suspension on the team’s behalf, and that sucks. The only thing the Cubs can do to deter Counsell’s hunts is to throw pitches making their feelings clear, and those pitches get you suspended. Sucks!
I wouldn’t mind the Brewers otherwise. I used to have a soft spot for them. They’ve had a lot of fun players through the years (Rowdy Tellez being named Rowdy and looking like a man named Rowdy is so cool), Wisconsin’s among my favorite states, their uniforms slap, their front office always tries to win which is awesome. I understand, too, why Brewers fans would hate the Cubs. I get all that. I get annoyed by the Cubs sometimes myself, and I’m a Cubs fan. I just don’t get how anyone could see Craig Counsell as anything other than a slithery, conniving little shithead who’s willing to put his own players in danger and won’t take any responsibility for doing it. What are the Cubs supposed to do? Start wearing goalie masks at the plate?
So, that’s why I was so #MadOnline over the weekend, and that’s why I’m still a little #MadOnline, and that’s why I’m taking advantage of this opportunity to remind you that the Brewers have only won the NL Central three times since coming over in the 90’s, one of those was on the back of Ryan Braun’s PED regimen, another might have involved sign stealing, the year of the possible sign stealing Brewers fans gave a guy an ovation because he’d tweeted the n-word a bunch of times (and other bad things!) in high school, Christian Yelich sucks now (though he owned my ass yesterday with that bloop double), the Willson Contreras hate feels at least a little bit racist, Craig Counsell is a sentient square of used toilet paper, and the franchise used a slide and a since-departed beer sponsor to disguise their boring-ass, hardly-ever-full stadium halfway to Oconomowoc. I hope this boils over again and David Ross sends Counsell to the dentist. If the Cubs are gonna get suspensions, I’d like them to get their money’s worth.
Let’s Talk About IndyCar
Ok I need to cool down. Josef Newgarden won yesterday at Long Beach. There was a fountain in the middle of the track. It had flowers around it. This is the case every time there but it’s the most interesting thing about IndyCar at Long Beach so I’m just gonna focus on that. Another long break now. IndyCar is one elaborate prank, and I think I am the target.
Let’s Talk About Formula 1?
Still not cooled off. Just like Max Verstappen’s engine. Which caught fire overnight (early Sunday morning) in Australia, I guess. I refused to watch, because 1) I was tired and 2) it’s evidently a requirement in sports media to slap yourself red on the back every time you watch an F1 race at an unusual time. As though drunkenly watching sports while eating frozen pizza at 1 AM on a Saturday night is anything other than commonplace. What did you losers do in college? Write for your school paper? Charles Leclerc won, George Russell’s in second in the standings, this is early-season nonsense and Leclerc might be in the mix but everyone’s going to figure everything out.
NASCAR!
Man was that race boring. Sounds like they’re going to try to make some changes to the new car on short tracks, maybe with the tires? Just no passing out there, which is a shame because Martinsville’s so fun. At least Ty Gibbs pulled another Malfoy move on Friday night. If I’m Sam Mayer, it’s on sight at the next short track, and by that I mean I’d just slam Gibbs right into the wall coming off the green flag. Which is why nobody trusts me to touch their stock car.
The Sens?
I’m really drawing blanks here. Still pissed. Maybe I should drink some water. Probably a little dehydrated.
The Sens lost to the Rangers and Jets by an aggregate score of 9-4. One of the games was close, which by extension demonstrates that the other was not close. At least Tim Stützle’s back.
Burnley
Oh fuck this was bad. Burnley got shitpumped by Norwich.
It was one of those games we saw coming. Everton and Leeds had won on Saturday, Norwich was popping in the yellow kits, Burnley’s vibe is not to win games it should win but rather to sneak out draws and upsets that make opponents question the meaning of life. Fell behind early, stayed behind, now four games back of Everton and nine (ugh) back of Leeds. Can still catch both, but uphill battle. At West Ham on Sunday while Everton and Leeds are idle, so after that Burnley’ll probably still be four back but will have also played one more game than Everton, and the nine-point gap with Leeds will be even worse having just one game in hand rather than two.
Old Friends
Alright let’s just circle back to the Cubs. Whatever.
Javy Báez and Kyle Schwarber were each heroic on Friday, which made me sad. Anthony Rizzo had a great weekend, which made me sad. Kris Bryant had a bad weekend, which also made me sad. Jake Arrieta was here in Austin to watch TCU play Texas in baseball, and I had to ask myself whether I’m over last year yet with him, which was also sad. Thank goodness the Cubs won that series. If they had lost it I would be listening to the Mountain Goats (ok I did sing Damn These Vampires in the shower last night, you caught me, you creep).
AAC Baseball: Is It Lit?
In other college baseball news, something happened this weekend where UCF’s coach was ejected for arguing a call that was later overturned. There was more to it than this, of course—UCF had hit a home run, the umpire ruled that the home run was an out because pine tar was too far up the UCF hitter’s bat, the UCF coach got ejected, the Memphis pitcher jawed at the UCF coach enough to get ejected himself, the umps later overturned the overturning of the home run, saying they were wrong about the pine tar. This is…nuts? I didn’t check, but I wonder if the coach got let back in for being right. Either way, we should have known that AAC baseball was wonderful and hilarious.
Shaka Smart: Still at It
Been a busy birthday week in the Marquette program, which we know because our old friend Shaka Smart always wishes his players and coaches happy birthday on Twitter at the proper time. What a guy. See? I love Milwaukee!
Ice Cream Cookie Sandwiches Are Amazing
Been on an ice cream sandwich kick where the bread is chocolate chip cookies and it’s been a great comfort. Genius move by whoever thought to do that. I wonder if that’s one of those things all cultures develop at different paces, or if it was invented by one person. Convergent evolution or divergent. As is always the question with ice cream sandwiches.
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Blue Jays/Yankees tonight on MLB TV, then early to bed as we prepare for Bangers III in the morning. I bet Craig Counsell hates bangers.
