It’s a special day today for us all, and not just because my parents were married 38 years ago right about now. (Happy anniversary, Mom and Dad!) No, while today is special for a lot of reasons, that doesn’t get its own prime spot in the notes. (Sorry, Mom and Dad.) Instead, we’re going to talk about a birthday.
34 years ago today, in a world sorely in need of joy, hope, and fire emojis, a baby was born. A person who once was not suddenly was. Yes, 34 years ago, our devoted reader Scott’s wife Lindsay was born, the same Lindsay who would one day create the 90’s Bangers Bracket playlist on Spotify.
Happy 34th birthday, Lindsay. Where would we be without you?
Also, happy 34th birthday to Joe Kelly! Where would we be without that guy?
Over Joe Kelly’s 34 years, a lot has happened. Just three years after his birth, the hammer and sickle was lowered from the Kremlin, signaling the ultimate downfall of the Soviet Union by Joe Kelly’s hand. Just eight years after his birth, Colin Powell did the Macarena in a nod to the then-skateboarder’s eventual entrance song. Just twelve years after his birth, the world successfully avoided a Y2K-driven meltdown when computers everywhere were warned, “We’ve got a kid in California who throws really freakin’ hard.” In 2018, Joe Kelly won a World Series. In 2020, Joe Kelly won another World Series. What a 34 years.
Questions, of course, are being raised as to what comes out of these next 34 years. At the pace we’re going, while acknowledging the White Sox are toast this season, we can probably expect at least four more Joe Kelly titles before he retires and moves into using his arm to clean up space debris. The Macarena, inevitably, will come back even more strongly into style, as partisans everywhere lay down their metaphorical arms and dance together once again, likely while eating a hot dog as Joe Kelly enters from the bullpen in a high-leverage eighth inning. An incomprehensible number of batters are going to strike out at Joe Kelly’s hands. Yet another dictatorial Russian regime will likely be extinguished.
Yes, it’s been quite the 34 years. But looking at that list, it makes one wonder: Could the best be yet to come?
Imagine Getting to Practice With Juwan Morgan
Lost in all the admiration of NIT legend Derrick White (who once scored 30 points in a first round NIT game against Final Four-bound and Tacko Fall-led UCF) is the fact the Celtics are hiding fellow NIT legend Juwan Morgan (who was on the Tom Crean-less team that was among the funniest in NIT history and the Romeo Langford/Archie Miller team that lost a quarterfinal at Assembly Hall) on the bench. It’s been discussed as a, “What are they doing?” And last night, maybe we got our answer. Because I don’t see how Jaylen Brown and Jayson Tatum—two guys without a lick of NIT experience between them—could have scored as many points as they combined to score without the benefit of going up against Morgan all season in scrimmages, and just being around his general aura. They talk about veteran presences with Andre Iguodala and the Warriors. Let’s talk about NIT presences with Juwan Morgan and the Celtics.
Connor Roberts Is a Dude
Our love of the Welsh national team took on a new element yesterday, when after Wout Weghorst headed in the late winner for the Netherlands against Wales in the UEFA Nations League, Connor Roberts asked him why he hadn’t done that once all spring for Burnley:
Hilarious move, and does get back to the original fears, when signing Weghorst, that the guy is an ass. Roberts certainly doesn’t seem to like him, and since Roberts hasn’t been rumored to be leaving yet and Weghorst is as good as gone, I think we have to side with Roberts. I mean, Weghorst always seemed as disappointed with himself on the pitch as you’d hope he’d be, but if Roberts doesn’t like him, I’m on board.
Even if Roberts does end up leaving, this is a great moment in his history with the Burnleys. He didn’t forget us, even when he was away on vacation. Thank you for that, Connor.
Fargo Is a Dog
Strong performance by Fargo on Tuesday. All of us had places to be that night, so Fargs was at daycare during the day. What I was told, as I prepared to head home and liberate her from a brief stint in the crate, was that she had too much poop on her head to be released by daycare, that they then washed her head, that she then coughed up some gunk when she finally got back home, and that she then pooped and went willingly into her cage.
What I found when I got home matched this description, but there were additional developments from there. First, because they’d washed her head, she had major bedhead going on. Second, she was still coughing, but the tiniest little coughs she’s ever coughed (they went away once she had a bite of food and a big drink of water). Third, she was absolutely exhausted. No interest in being awake. Fourth, once she slept for twenty minutes she was completely fine. Played with the golden retriever from across the hall the whole way down the elevator when I took her out to pee.
The pup’s back at the boarder for the next couple nights while we head home to Illinois for a funeral tomorrow. Can only hope her exit on Saturday, when we pick her up, has her in a better spot than the sputtering, freshly-washed mess we picked up the other night.
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Viewing schedule for today:
12:35 PM EDT: Diamondbacks @ Reds (MLB TV)
An appetizer before we switch to the main course.
1:10 PM EDT: Cardinals @ Rays (MLB TV)
Lunch.
2:10 PM EDT: Dodgers @ White Sox (MLB TV)
2:10 PM EDT: Phillies @ Brewers (MLB TV, Second Screen)
Honestly, every game gets better than the one before during the day shift today. Until you get to the Rockies, of course, but up to that point? Constant betterment. Like Groundhog Day but confined to four games of baseball.
7:30 PM EDT: Texas vs. Oklahoma (ESPN2, Second Screen)
If the semifinals taught me anything, it’s that Oklahoma is going to let this one go. Gotta build some drama.
8:00 PM EDT: Lightning @ Rangers (ESPN)
I don’t need to tell you what’s at stake here.
9:38 PM EDT: Red Sox @ Angels (MLB TV)
I like Shohei Ohtani as much as the next guy, but at this point, I want the losing streak to go on forever. Let’s break some records, guys. Let’s have this go so badly that they fire the interim too.
