Well, well, well.
NIT season is back in action.
It’s been a hilarious slate of games (we tried to bet the over on Valley Forge vs. James Madison but it wasn’t offered in any markets we could find, let the record show), and it only gets better from here, with the following Game of the NITe toNITe:
In more personal news, Texas hosts UTEP and Marquette hosts Radford, so the shadow war begins anew between those two. As of right now, though, Shaka Smart’s won as many Big 12 games this year as Chris Beard. That’s all I’ll say about that.
It’s important, at house parties and apartment parties and wherever else they hold parties (I’ve never been invited to one, so it’s hard to know) to have ten teams in your head who could win the NIT. Don’t have them? Don’t panic. That’s why you read these notes. Here’s our ten:
Memphis
The preliminary NIT favorite. The once and future NIT king. “Memphis,” in Egyptian, translates to “enduring and beautiful.” What else could describe Penny Hardaway’s tenure?
Vanderbilt
It’s easy to include Vanderbilt, and it gives us a gigantic matchup toNITe, so we’ll include them. Scotty Pippen, as everyone is hopefully aware, has moved on, but this is still the 12th-best team in the SEC playing a manageable nonconference schedule. At some level, it’s just math.
Notre Dame
Duh. Mike Brey has these same seniors back yet again? They are 1,000% equipped to win the NIT. They will score points and they will allow points and they will look like little children on television but should you ever see them in a photograph next to a normal-sized person, they will instead look like someone inflated the human characters from Frozen and breathed the breath of life into their lungs. This is the Notre Dame way.
Clemson
Since we’re going in pairs…
It’s insane that Brad Brownell’s never won an NIT. Downright insane. I know that word can be insensitive, but in this case, it’s a literal description of the situation, so it’s ok. Describe a more NIT person within the college basketball establishment than Brad Brownell. Fran Fraschilla? Too problematic. It’s Brownell, through and through.
Wyoming
One of the best stories of last college basketball season, Wyoming is back again, and this time, they aren’t coming up just short. (Or, you know, that’s the plan.) Jeff Linder, of chocolatier fame, has built another good-not-great team. That’s what you need. And with the Final Four moving to Vegas for the year…let’s just say Cowboy Ken knows his way around Las Vegas, Nevada. I’m not even talking about the toptional part! The guy just goes there every year for the Mountain West Tournament. The nipples are gravy. If Wyoming makes the NIT Final Four, I expect them to take home court advantage. If they don’t, I’m going to have a lot of questions for my friends Murph and Murph.
St. John’s
What if the reason St. John’s hasn’t won an NIT recently is that Madison Square Garden got cursed? Think about it. It would also explain why St. John’s hasn’t won many basketball games at all recently. You know? “Go west, young man,” said Abraham Lincoln, “and kick some confederate ass.” Can’t you picture that kicking off the hype videos if St. John’s draws Clemson in the semi’s?
Illinois
*maniacal laughter*
Now that we’ve had a Big Ten team almost back in the NIT, we can at least hope it’s possible, and tell me what fanbase would be funnier to watch stomach an NIT appearance than that of Illinois. The other thing about this is that Illinois would probably do well if they made it, being a solid team and all. Fury the whole way through.
Loyola
Will Sister Jean live to see Loyola win a national title?
Shit, sorry. I said that out loud.
I mean, it’s the question, though. And the answer is that it’s really too bad Cameron Krutwig already used up his mustache. You don’t wear a mustache when you’re in college so that you can wear one when you come back pretending to be a different person. Maybe Cameron Krutwig was secretly someone else before he became Cameron Krutwig? I’ll have to ask sometime.
UAB
Jelly Walker and whatnot. Could win two national championships, being in Conference USA.
Tulane
They’re having a moment.
**
Ok, that should get you through your next party. It’ll probably get me through parties for the rest of my life. Please. Somebody invite me to a party.
No viewing schedule tonight, since it’s in the video above, but do be warned that the Vanderbilt court—if you’ve forgotten—is raised. They haven’t amputated all their students’ legs. As far as I know. If you can’t see torsos, I guess they probably have amputated all their students’ legs. But if you can see the torsos, there should be legs below them.
