It’s important, I’m told, to not encourage people to try meth. Meth, I understand, is bad. That’s why I’ve never tried meth, and I have no plans to change that. Call me whatever synonym for lame you want. Meth and me? Not happening.
But at the same time: If you are a pair of hockey teams and you just scored 14 goals in a game, presumably without the assistance of meth, do you not have some human duty to find out how high is, to use a word, high?
Again, if meth’s a bad idea, don’t do it, Oilers and Avalanche. Think about your families, think about your body, think about the societal impact of the illicit drug trade. I am not an expert, and even I think you probably shouldn’t do this.
But again on the other side…14 goals was so fun. Think you could hit 20? I’m not an expert, so why should you listen to my naysaying?
Last night’s Oilers/Avalanche game was called by many “the best game since the Oilers and Flames combined for 15 two weeks ago.” It had parents running to wake up their kids. It had kids running to wake up their parents. It had nerds running to figure out if there’s something weird with the altitude that makes the puck fly faster, like how Coors Field’s lack of atmosphere (physical atmosphere, not vibes, that’s a great park) makes the ball soar up there. It was a moving display of what hockey can be, and what it must only occasionally be to avoid turning into a sport where goals are boring, like lacrosse or games between Manchester City and Burnley. I can’t wait for Game 2, and I’m also a little scared, because what if it doesn’t live up to the rush that Game 1 provided? What if they only score 13? Or twelve? What if they do try meth but they give it to Mike Smith and Darcy Kuemper and they both become a lot better? The anticipation is killing me. I might not sleep tonight. And I’m not even the one on meth.
Shaka Smart Sparks Another Pro Career
Justin Lewis is officially going pro, just the latest guy who, under Shaka Smart’s tutelage, developed into a national and possibly even international talent (I don’t see him on Kevin O’Connor’s big board, guy might be going to Europe). Jarrett Allen. Jaxson Hayes. Mo Bamba (also revolutionized music). Now: Mo Bamba. Oops. Justin Lewis.
The draft withdrawal deadline is way more fun this year than I expected, and that’s because of Nate Laszewski. All day, I’ve been checking Jeff Goodman’s list of guys who haven’t made their decision yet, and all day, an underachieving lanky shooter from Notre Dame has been on it. He’s second from the bottom in the latest tweet, and Goodman clearly ordered it by ability in some fashion—his own opinion or an objective rating, I’m not sure which—which means Laszewski and Caleb McConnell of Rutgers are in a standoff. If I were them, I’d be going live on every social media platform every ten minutes and not showing anything. Just a live feed of myself eating a sandwich or going for a walk. No words. Make those Twitter searching my name (welcome, by the way—sorry to not have any actual Laszewski news) wonder if I’m under one of those conservatories or whatever Britney Spears was dealing with. I would post clip art of basketballs. I would pay Tipton Edits to make ones of me that said “Final Two” and listed Heaven and Hell as the contenders. I would try to draw so much attention from the scoop cravers that Max Abmas’s official decision slipped through the cracks. I would try to break Jon Rothstein’s motherboard.
The best part is: What the hell is Nate Laszewski waiting for? Did someone in the Notre Dame development office say off-hand he’d connect him with some donors for NIL deals and then never call him back because, well, duh, it’s Notre Dame and it’s men’s basketball and he’s a sixth man with offensive upside who’s never quite worked out?
The oral history on Nate Laszewski’s 2022 NBA Draft decision is going to be amazing.
***
Viewing schedule for tonight:
8:00 PM EDT: Lightning @ Rangers, Game 1 (ESPN)
I hope we get a hot tub/cold tub thing out of these two series, and that Lightning/Rangers is a 1-0 game decided in the seventh overtime with a coach conscripted to play goalie. (Do they still have an emergency goalie in the stands as the third-stringer in the playoffs? How many goalies are in the building to insure against farce? How has The Athletics not written eight thousand poorly edited words about this?)
A lot of overtimes really would be fun. Haven’t had enough of that yet these playoffs and there are no late-night sports tonight (besides awaiting Nate Laszewski’s decision, of course). Just makes sense.
8:05 PM EDT: Brewers @ Cubs, Jason Alexander vs. Kyle Hendricks (MLB TV, second screen)
Make your Costanza jokes, Costanza joke-makers. I’ll be preparing to laugh/sob as the Cubs get shut down by a 29-year-old minor league journeyman who—aw, dammit, I just googled “Jason Alexander” to get a look at his headshot and of course only Costanza came up. I got got.
