Stu’s Notes: Scottie Scheffler Should Get Better at Golf

The takeaway from this sports weekend appears to be that Scottie Scheffler is really good at golf. I think this is the correct takeaway. I’m not a golf expert, but the biggest thing I noticed while watching the Masters was that Scottie Scheffler was playing well. Evidently he does this a lot. Did I not know this? Not really. For one thing, I get him and Jordan Spieth confused. For another, golf majors go in one eye and out the other. I enjoy them, and then I move on, and most of the time all I really remember is that I enjoyed them. I can list my golf memories for you in fifteen minutes. They will be punctuated with questions like, “Webb Simpson. Was that a guy?”

Anyway, the fact that Scottie Scheffler is evidently the best golfer alive and that I don’t know about him is a big red flag. And while I should know Scheffler better and not knowing Scheffler is on me…I know who Jannik Sinner is. I’m not completely ignorant to what goes on at the country club. The fact it’s possible for me to confuse Scheffler and Spieth is bad news. I wasn’t even sure if Scheffler was a LIV guy until a minute ago when I checked his Wikipedia page to confirm the number of majors he’s won. I’m still not sure if Spieth’s on the PGA Tour or not.

So, while others commend Scottie Scheffler for being so good at golf, I recommend: Get better at golf. Do that, and do it enough, and one day I’ll remember who you are. Also, please share in great detail sometime why you go by Scottie instead of Scott. I’m always curious about that. I like Scottie better for a golfer, but you look like a Scott. You really, really look like a Scott. You look like the Scott-est Scott that ever walked the painted lawns of Highland Park. (Scheffler growing up with a stay-at-home dad challenges my Highland Park stereotypes. As you can tell, I am still on Scheffler’s Wikipedia page. Sweet that his sister caddied for him on his PGA Tour debut. Would be weird for most Highland Park families, but not those with a stay-at-home dad.)

Who’s Going First in the WNBA Draft?

How funny would it be if the Fever picked someone other than Caitlin Clark tonight? Who in the draft room is making that joke? Are they getting fired? Someone has to make the joke, right? If nobody makes the joke, I think we have to get rid of the WNBA. If people are that scared of a great joke, the league is in an unhealthy place.

The Brewers Keep Beefing

It’s nice to have Craig Counsell out of Milwaukee, especially now that I’ve rationalized his presence on my favorite baseball team by saying “He’s a mercenary” and leaving it at that. (If I try to explain it further, it makes less sense.) For a few years, I could never side with the Brewers in a spat. Now? I’m siding with the Brewers left and right! Fuck off, Jeff McNeil! Fuck off, James McCann!

If you missed it Friday night (I don’t know how you would have missed something that happened in the sixth inning of an 11–1 baseball game between the Brewers and the Orioles on a Friday night in April), James McCann confronted Willy Adames. Nothing happened, but benches did clear. What sparked this? It was presumed to be about Adames admiring a home run, but both parties said afterwards it was about something else. I hope it was a toot. I hope the ump ripped a nasty one and Adames said “What the fuck, James” and McCann said “Seriously, Willy? Trying to pin this on me?” because McCann was afraid the ump would be mad at him if he thought he’d passed gas right under Ump’s nose.

Anyway, unless Adames said something real bad, I’m Team Brewers. I don’t care how good the Orioles’ vibes are. James McCann is still a Met to me, and the Mets are dorks. Free Willy.

A Note About Two Dog Special

There’s no new episode of Two Dog Special this morning because The Barking Crow has canceled Two Dog Special. We do a lot of slow builds here at The Barking Crow, but this was one where we didn’t feel like we were doing a good enough job to justify the resources, namely time. I’m sorry to those of you who will miss my soothing voice, and I’m sorry to those who’ll miss Danny’s takes. Danny is a smart and funny guy and a good friend of mine, and I’m sad it didn’t work out.

But! We’ve got a big ol’ list of other things in the works now here on the site and around it. It’s going to be a busy four months before football ramps up. Might even be another podcast in the works, of a more serial nature. (I am going to commit a crime and document it.)

Etc.

The NIT, Texas, and Other College Basketball Pet Interests:

• Well, well, well. Getting all three here. The NIT. Texas. Other college basketball pet interests. Texas landed Julian Larry and Jayson Kent in the transfer portal yesterday. Two big pickups for the Longhorns, and the first two Indiana State players to find their forever home. I’m happy about it. They could be vaguely in the NIT mix, I’ll get to watch them play a lot, and this means the starting five isn’t exclusively going to SLU, which would have felt sad. I’d rather the thing just end than restart under a different name. Arizona Coyotes fans, tell me your thoughts on this.

Chicago:

• I have a theory about Adbert Alzolay, and it’s this: I think he’s the vibe bellwether on this Cubs team. I think if his vibes are good, the team’s vibes are good. He’s in a high-vibe-leverage position, being the closer, but he’s also a guy whose vibes can top anybody else’s on this roster. No one on the Cubs is capable of being as joyful as Christopher Morel, but Alzolay’s close, and unlike Morel, Alzolay feels emotions other than happiness, which makes him a more useful barometer. (Also: Alzolay’s only emotions seem to be giddy and determined. This is a little trick I’m pulling. If Alzolay’s vibes represent those of the Cubs, then things are always either going well or about to get better because the boys are grinding.)
• I loved Tom Thibodeau coaching to win a game it would have helped the Knicks to lose. Take that, Adam Silver. (I know this helps Adam Silver but I still feel like Silver is deeply uncomfortable with Thibs. I’m sure that Adam Silver has had nightmares of being seated next to Tom Thibodeau at a fancy dinner.)

Joe Kelly, Burnley, and the Ottawa Senators:

• Joe Kelly had a good outing on Friday night against the Padres. Crisp and clean. Two strikeouts and some other out I’m forgetting right now. He did not pitch Saturday or last night. That’s why the Padres won. (We monitored the Jurickson Profar situation and are keeping the alert level for the Padres and Joe Kelly at orange. No increase, no decrease. The Padres remain the most likely opponent against whom Joe Kelly might pop off, but there’s no imminent threat.)
• Burnley tied Brighton on Saturday, 1–1, but they needed a win, and the Brighton goal came on the own goal-iest of own goals, not one where it just ricocheted off the wrong dude. There were other bad things, but I’m ready for the Championship. The Championship is where it’s at. (Five games left—still got a chance.)
• With the help of some Thomas Chabot heroics, the Senators finished the season sweep of the Canadiens, which sounds a lot better if you don’t know how good the Canadiens are. Two games left. First one tonight at MSG against the Rangers. (MSG is where the NIT Final Four used to be played, for those looking for a history lesson.)

Austin FC:

• Lost. Losers.