I would like to say something about Florida.
I don’t hate it.
Sure, it’s the state I would eliminate from the United States if I had to eliminate one, and if the possibility really came on the table of Florida becoming independent or joining forces with Bermuda or returning to Spain, I would loudly cheer the possibility on. (I think this could even be good for Florida, because it would make you have to immigrate into Florida to move there, and old people are bad at paperwork/Florida’s state government isn’t exactly trying to streamline immigration right now, so Florida’s average age would drop and the vibes might improve as The Villages dry up.)
I don’t hate Florida, though. I think it’s got some beautiful things about it, orange juice is cool, alligators haven’t personally wronged me yet, Tacko Fall played at UCF, and I have the utmost respect for what Pitbull has done to our world.
What I do hate is Florida having a hockey team that is good at hockey.
Florida should absolutely have professional hockey. I have no problem with that being something that exists. Should that hockey be good, though? Of course not. That’s like if Wisconsin was producing the most Abercrombie models per capita in the early 2000s. Gary Bettman has messed up a lot of things in his life, but the biggest among them has been letting the Tampa Bay Lightning become a successful franchise. You’re telling me you couldn’t rig that, Gary? You had the Habs in the Finals in a bubble, for shit’s sake. You’re telling me you couldn’t have fudged some Covid tests??
We are two correct results away from an Eastern Conference semifinal series featuring the Boston Bruins and the Toronto Maple Leafs. Feel how you will about both those franchises, but that’s a hockey series right there. Florida vs. Tampa Bay? Goodness.
The Panthers and the Lightning must be stopped.
The Sens Are the Most Valuable NHL Franchise
I wouldn’t have guessed this, but facts don’t lie. If the Senators’ executors accept the one billion-dollar bid reportedly being offered by Ryan Reynolds and a rich guy using Ryan Reynolds to sweeten his bid, it will be the largest sale price ever for an NHL franchise. I’m really assuming that someone incorporated the exchange rate into this calculation. (Side note before we move on: Wacky that executor and executioner are both words and are both involved in death.)
Again, I would not have guessed this. I would have guessed that the Ottawa Senators’ lackluster history, small market presence, and general identity as a prank on the sport of hockey would have made them less valuable than at least one other franchise. Turns out, though, that people read this blog. Who’s semi-ironically picking the Sens as their favorite team because the Sens are the most irrelevant in Canada now, hmm?
Poor White Sox Fans
The White Sox are wearing no clothes, and everyone is finally noticing the little kid yelling about it. This poorly constructed team is playing poorly, with the opening of this year so bad that their World Series probability might soon zero out on FanGraphs, putting them alongside the Nationals and A’s in terms of their notoriety.
What’s happened here, of course, is that Jerry Reinsdorf is a big stupid idiot, and through that big stupid idiocy, he’s also a bad person. Normally, big stupid idiots aren’t necessarily bad people. They don’t mean anything by it, after all, they’re just big and stupid and idiots. In Reinsdorf’s case, though, he is inflicting his stupidity on others. You should know by now, Jerry. You should know.
Making matters worse for White Sox fans, specifically, they are also statistically likely to be Bulls fans, and the Bulls are also owned by Jerry Reinsdorf. Making matters worse for White Sox/Bulls fans, specifically, they are also statistically likely to be Bears fans, and the Bears are the Bears. Making matters worse for White Sox/Bulls/Bears fans, specifically, they are also statistically likely to be Blackhawks fans, and the Blackhawks’ biggest contribution to the NHL in recent years has been to push sexual assault conversations forward by proving a despicable example of how not to handle sexual assault. Making matters worse for White Sox/Bulls/Bears/Blackhawks fans, the Fire are so historic and so historically unpalatable that they can’t even do what Atlantans did before the Braves got good and pivot to the MLS team (this is how you know Dansby Swanson was right about Atlanta not being a pro sports city—the MLS isn’t really pro sports). Even DePaul is bad. The state school is in Champaign, and in a lot of sports it’s usually bad. Kind of tortured in basketball, honestly.
For all the talk about the Cubs as lovable losers for those years, life is one hundred times better for Cubs fans than it is for White Sox fans. The White Sox don’t even have Old Comiskey anymore.
How bad are things for the White Sox? Well, Joe Kelly pitched again last night, and he gave up a home run. That’s rare for our guy. Walks are normal, but home runs? Bad sign. The White Sox might be getting to Joe Kelly.
What does our hero need to do? He needs to find a way through. Only for three more months, though. If Joe Kelly can pitch well enough these three months, he’ll get traded, and our collective nightmare will be over. You can do it, Joe. We’re all counting on you.
Max Abmas In, Ron Holland Out, Bijan Robinson Up
I don’t want to be mean to Texas. This is how you know things have gotten bad for Texas. I still want to be mean to UNC. Texas? Things aren’t in mean territory there. I’m excited for Bijan Robinson and excited for Texas and I’ve already forgotten who drafted him but why not, I’m excited for them too. I just can’t help but notice *how big* a deal it is for the Longhorns to have another first round pick after all these years. Texas is down bad.
In good news for the athletic department, Max Abmas is transferring to Austin, giving the men’s basketball team one of the most acclaimed scorers in the country. In bad news, Ron Holland decommitted today.
Ron Holland is a top-ten recruit nationally, and that might be underselling it. Ron Holland is very, very good. He’s the kind of player whom “McDonald’s All-American” doesn’t adequately hype, because McDonald’s All-Americans on average aren’t as good as Ron Holland.
Ron Holland is no longer going to Texas.
I don’t know what happened. This caught me by surprise. Maybe it’s been brewing, but this is late for an incoming freshman to decommit. What’s really bad, though, for Texas, is that Holland is probably a better player than Abmas. Abmas isn’t bad (maybe thought of as better than he is because his vulnerabilities have been hidden, playing in a Summit League that’s down right now, but not bad). Holland is just really, really good. They play different positions, this isn’t a one-to-one swap, but for a little while Texas had both of them and now Texas has only one, and it probably isn’t the one they’d rather have. Especially in the long term.
NIT History: Getting Personal (This Is About Shaka Smart)
We’ll close out our NIT History lessons for the week by telling you how we came to love Shaka Smart so much, even while we haven’t maintained the same fervor for Pat Chambers or the novel coronavirus or Penny Hardaway or Jonah Hayes or Grant McCasland, the other NIT champions in our era.
It’s not that Shaka Smart won the 2019 NIT.
It’s that Shaka Smart won the 2019 NIT after being unnecessarily nice to us one time.
The NIT Final Four media day used to be a little buffet lunch in a nice hotel around Times Square, and as a very nervous NIT blogger in 2019, I walked up to Texas’s table just as Shaka Smart was getting up to leave. I apologized and told him and the SID it was more than ok to bounce, but Shaka Smart sat down and did an interview with me. Was the coolest guy. Seemed confused by my hat and tie, and that was another good sign (I think people sometimes think I have a disability when I first walk up to them wearing all of that, which isn’t great but I’m stuck with it now and so is the rest of the world). With Shaka Smart coaching in Austin and The Barking Crow headquartered in Austin, it worked out perfectly to ardently support him for the next two seasons until he was unfairly run out of town because a lot of Texas fans are idiots. Now, he’s at Marquette, who naturally exhausts me but seems like they love him and so has made me love them.
The NIT, folks.
It’s all about love.
I know this isn’t the biggest piece of NIT History, but at this point in the NIT’s life, we’re a part of NIT History, for better or for worse. You need to know the Shaka Smart backstory.
