You guys aren’t going to believe this, but Michigan’s two largest universities both have scandals going on. From the people who brought you Connor Stalions, Mel Tucker, Bo Schembechler, and Larry Nassar come new allegations that will make your jaw drop.
The first, the Michigan one, is that a confrontation between Juwan Howard and strength and conditioning coach Jon Sanderson is reportedly under university investigation. Some have speculated that Juwan Howard struck Sanderson, but most reporting is holding that this is untrue. Still, Howard did hit Wisconsin assistant coach Joe Krabbenhoft back in 2022 in the middle of a handshake line (a line explicitly for handshakes and implicitly NOT for hitting), so people are ready for him to hit again. Completely made-up though those allegations sound to be, it’s hard to blame people for wanting them to be true. It would be very funny if Juwan Howard kept hitting people. (“At that price point, yes, they are allowed to hit.”) It would be especially funny if this time, he hit someone for being upset that Howard’s son kept being late to injury treatment. That part is also probably made-up, but it hasn’t been denied, so I think we can keep saying it if we add enough caveats.
The second, the Michigan State one, is that Michigan State might suck at basketball. They’re 4–5, they’re off to an 0–2 Big Ten start, and they are a slightly worse three-point shooting team than Tarleton State, who is not a good three-point shooting team.
What to make of these?
I don’t think we’re going to get Michigan State in the NIT, although I do see the path. If they finish two or three games above .500, precedent dictates that they’ll miss our loving arms, no matter how ugly that 17–15 turns out to be. In 2021, the NCAA T*urnament selection committee made very clear that one of their criteria is, “Is your coach named Tom Izzo?” and at this moment, Michigan State still checks that box. Michigan State’s historically shown a prodigious propensity to protect people from the consequences of their actions, but in this case, MSU’s not even the one doing it. It’s a committee made up primarily of athletic directors from around the country. There are evidently Get Out of Jail Free cards all over East Lansing, and in this case we, the NIT community, are jail. We need MSU to lose to Baylor on Saturday *and* lose one of their next three games if we’re going to start talking NIT. Those next three are against Oakland, Stony Brook, and Indiana State. We aren’t there yet.
Michigan, however, has long been on the NIT radar, and while they looked awesome out of the gate, they’ve licked fat buttholes (excuse the phrase) since Howard started coming to games again after his offseason heart surgery (rumor is he had a Tin Man situation going on). Michigan is absolutely in the NIT mix, and if they time Howard’s eventual resignation correctly, interim Phil Martelli could 100% win the title.
In sum:
- If you are a Michigan State fan right now, I think you should feel hopeless, in addition to feeling a little gross.
- If you are a Michigan fan right now, you should be the most excited person in the world. Remember how much it hurt to lose to Vanderbilt in last year’s second round? Winning the NIT, according to studies, makes you eight times happier than that loss made you sad. Still might not be a lot, but you’re Michigan! I’m sure you guys can spin it.
Andy Enfield and LeBron James
Long Beach State picked up another big win last night, making the list of teams they’ve beaten include USC and Michigan while the list of teams who’ve beaten them includes Portland, Illinois State, and Louisiana. This is a strange combination of results, but the bottom line is that the Beach*, participants in the 2022 NIT, got another big win, and this time it came at the expense of USC in Bronny James’s college debut. What is it with LBSU beating teams dealing with notable cardiac emergencies?
Yes, only the baseball team is the Dirtbags. Yes, they got rid of 49ers and changed themselves to the Beach. No, I don’t want to get into it I want to talk about Andy Enfield instead.
The result leaves USC 5–4 overall, and since they also lost to UC Irvine, they’re 0–2 record within Southern California. This isn’t Andy Enfield’s worst team—it’s pretty in line with other recent teams, just more all over the place in its performance—but it’s not a good Andy Enfield team, and at long last, after harboring a grudge over the disrespect and ingratitude Andy Enfield showed when he was undeservedly placed in the 2018 NIT, we may get our revenge. Because if I know one thing about the LeBron James family, it’s that they get rid of coaches they don’t like. Even good ones! And I don’t think Andy Enfield is a very good coach.
Adam Silver and LeBron James
I had a theory, when I saw the In-Season Tournament quarterfinal matchups, which held that the NBA wanted a young, up-and-coming team to win it, something which would generate buzz around that team and give the players and fanbase something to rally behind. It’s a similar concept to why I get along well with North Texas fans these days.
Where I think I went astray, though, is that I underestimated Adam Silver’s contingency planning. Once the Pacers turned their game against the Celtics into an electric factory, people—even me, a certified Hater™—started caring about the In-Season Tournament. So what did Adam Silver do? He pulled the lever that makes LeBron win. It seems there were two scenarios, and two accompanying approaches: 1) If no one cares, make one fanbase care. 2) If people care, give LeBron another title that will spark debate and therefore attention for the league and make the In-Season Tournament something future greats feel they must win in order to neutralize a row on the inevitable Tylor Perry vs. LeBron James graphics.
I’ll say this about Adam Silver:
Does Zion Williamson Need Moriah Mills?
“I’m not exaggerating. I’m quoting people. You got chefs in New Orleans who love him. They’re looking for him. Everybody—Every chef there wants to meet him. Because they know he’ll show up to their restaurant. The word out on Zion Williamson is that he’ll eat the table. I’m quoting. ‘He’ll eat the table.’” – Stephen A. Smith
Sure, Moriah Mills may have harassed Zion Williamson online, threatened to shame him through revenge porn, and encouraged him to leave his newborn daughter. But she did say she was the one motivating him to be in shape when they were together.
What Will Joe Kelly’s New Number Be?
I cannot tell you all how excited I am that Joe Kelly and Shohei Ohtani will forever be linked by this Number 17 thing. And by being the two greatest baseball players of their generation, of course, but also the Number 17 thing. It’s fun! I loved his idea that they share it. College football lets two guys wear the same number, and people love college football. Ahoy! Rob Manfred! Let Joe Kelly and Shohei Ohtani both be Number 17. How would that possibly cause a single problem?
Joe Kelly will probably change his uniform number, and I’m excited to see what he chooses. He’s been Number 58. He’s been Number 56. He’s been Number 17. What’s next!!!! Is it 99, the closest two-digit number to the velocity he generates with his fastball? Is it 2, the number of World Series titles he’s won Mookie Betts? Is it 50, a nod to how many states would name him as their favorite player in the game?
We thought the story of the offseason was Joe Kelly’s free agency. Then, we thought it was Shohei Ohtani’s free agency. Now? It’s what number Joe Kelly will wear. And it is quite the story. I can’t wait for their joint press conference.
UPDATE! It’s number 99. First try.
How Many Games Have the Senators Played?
There’s a disagreement going around The Internet™ involving the Senators, but those who understand hockey tell me it’s really just a bunch of Red Wings fans who are mad and lashing out. Anyway, the Sens remain in last place in the Atlantic, but, um…have you seen how many games they’ve played? 22. That’s only three quarters as many as the Lightning, and the Lightning are all the way up in fifth. Sure, if you go by points per game the situation isn’t much better, but they aren’t in last place!
No game tonight. Game tomorrow. Against the Hurricanes. Or so they call themselves…
