There was quite the ump show yesterday in the Bronx, where the fearless enforcers of baseball’s rules deliberated for an extended amount of time and then ejected a pitcher for “intentionally” throwing at someone in the sixth inning of a 3-3 game with pretty significant division title implications relative to what month it is. It was something. It was something, guys.
Hating on umpires has gone a little out of vogue lately due to a string of legitimate assaults on officials officiating youth sports. Contrary to what tribal leaders with cable news shows would have you believe, though, there is a way to criticize how someone is doing their job without wanting (or trying) to hurt them, and for better or worse, the practice of hating on umpires has simultaneously, throughout the string of citizens being out-of-control lunatics towards sometimes-even-volunteer umps and refs, experienced a surge of popularity due to Major League umpires doing stuff like what they did last night to the Blue Jays.
Obviously, yes, I know MLB trains its umpires. (Although if anyone were to say, “What? Just send ‘em out there!” it’d be Rob Manfred.) But stuff like this? It’s layups. Umps are missing layups.
All it would take would be a one-day offseason course going through hundreds of examples of players getting hit by pitches (you could use the Jomboy breakdowns for half of them) and working through which ones probably had intent and which did not. One day of answering questions from umpires like, “Wait, teams are trying to win these games? They don’t understand fans are just here to watch us?”
Yes, it would take time away from other training. But the thing with umps is, they don’t have to be that good. You have replay reviews for the black-and-white stuff. You’re working on robots for balls and strikes. And while the balls and strikes thing is under fire because the public can now measure how good or bad umps are at calling them, lowering the average plate umpire performance to even an Angel Hernandez level wouldn’t be that noticeable to the casual fan. We only know Angel Hernandez is this bad because other umps are so much better, and with something as difficult as calling balls and strikes (I legitimately do not know how umpires do that as well as they do), I think we’d all get it if there was a slight step back in exchange for fewer ump shows. Teach them how to guide the game. Teach them to not pick fights with Madison Bumgarner. I’ll take a few more misses on the corners.
The Silliest Scene for a No-Hitter
Imagine being Reid Detmers last night in the Angels dugout, waiting to try to close out a no-hitter at the age of 22 while your teammates take batting practice off of Brett Phillips, a position-player, and one of them hits a home run left-handed even though he’s a righty. Would you be annoyed? Pissed? Laughing? Relieved to have some of the pressure taken off?
Had Detmers lost that no-hitter, there would have been some takes about the eighth inning, but thankfully, he finished it, and those of us watching got to enjoy two of the best parts of regular season baseball in quick succession—complete silliness followed by the kind of once-in-a-lifetime accomplishment that can, in baseball, happen on any given night (once in a lifetime for the pitcher, I mean, I know how many no-hitters there are). What a vibe, and on that note, we’re putting the Angels on Vibe Watch™. Joe Maddon’s done his share of vibing over the years, Shohei Ohtani is a dose of light for the soul, and Mike Trout deserves something good to happen to him (in addition to being born with a nearly-inhuman quantity of physical and mental gifts, which is always left out in that discussion). Lot of things coming together in Anaheim.
Yu Darvish and the Greatest Compliment One Can Receive
Yu Darvish and Seiya Suzuki did a jersey swap, and in doing so I have been reminded that Suzuki sought out Darvish’s opinion on being a Cub back during the free agency process. Darvish, according to Suzuki, told him it was good to be a Cub, and can you think of a better compliment than Yu Darvish saying he likes you? Humbling.
Joe Kelly Update: Doesn’t Have Covid (But the Guardians Do)
No Joe Kelly game today because evidently Covid isn’t over yet, as The Atlantic has been screaming in my inbox for months. (I don’t know why I don’t unsubscribe. I think it must be their elegant taste in fonts.) Outbreak on the Guardians, we wish everyone health and safety, if everyone’s ok we’d like to accuse them of dodging our guy. But only if everyone’s ok. If someone isn’t ok, saying something like that would be insensitive, and we would never want to be insensitive.
NIT Alumni Show Out in NBA Playoffs
NIT legend Marquese Chriss not only followed Bismack Biyombo down the tunnel last night after their joint ejection. By tussling with the Suns’ (and non-NIT alum) big man, Chriss opened the door for former we-think-he-was-redshirting-during-the-2015-NIT-but-we-still-claim-him Pitt Panther Cameron Johnson to come in and knock down two free throws. Call that teamwork. Great for the brand.
Lucky Number Seven
The Senators got the seventh pick in last night’s NHL Draft Lottery, which was the result that wasn’t unlucky but also wasn’t lucky. Coincidentally, evidently the most talent in NHL history comes from the seventh slot in the draft. Fascinating stuff.
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Viewing schedule for the rest of the day:
2:30 PM EDT: Chelsea @ Leeds (Peacock Premium)
2:45 PM EDT: Everton @ Watford (Peacock Premium also, second screen)
Burnley could really use a Leeds loss, and Everton also losing—or at least tying—would be nice to keep options open on that front.
4:10 PM EDT: Cubs @ Padres (MLB TV)
May come over a little late to this (hopefully Chelsea’s up 8-0 and I don’t have to), but the Cubs could still theoretically win a series, and that’s pretty neat.
7:00 PM EDT: Penguins @ Rangers (ESPN)
I’ve really enjoyed tuning into this series, looking at the teams playing and the uniforms they’re wearing, and saying with a strange sense of peace, “Yep, that’s the NHL alright.”
7:07 PM EDT: Rays @ Angels (MLB TV, second screen)
As said, the Angels are on Vibe Watch™.
9:30 PM EDT: Stars @ Flames (ESPN)
I’ve really enjoyed tuning into this series, looking at the way the Stars and Flames are beating the ever-loving shit out of each other, and saying with an expected sense of exhilaration, “Yep, that’s the NHL alright.”
