“Imagine being in the overlapping section of the venn diagram that is Joe Kellys friends and Joe Kellys boys.” – Text from a friend of the blog today at 1:38 PM.
Joe Kelly was on The Score yesterday, a sports talk radio station in Chicago. He had some quotes.
On Josh Donaldson: “The guy is a douche…Whatever he’s saying, they’re not friends…I am half-Mexican. I have plenty of African-American friends, but I would never even say that to my friends that are my boys.”
On Aaron Hicks: “He tried to go outside the box and make something happen to totally redeem himself, and then it kind of backfired…I could see Aaron’s face just demoralized. So I was like, ‘That a baby, Aaron. What the fuck are you doing?’ I said, ‘Way to go. You’re such a stud. That a baby.’ And I just let it rip because it was the dumbest shit ever, you know what I mean? Just play your game, don’t press.”
On Jesus: “He was not worried about his brand at all.”
Great performance by our guy. Some responses…
On the topic of Joe Kelly’s boys: How I would love to even just be a friend of Joe Kelly, let alone a boy of his.
On the topic of the Aaron Hicks thing: Joe Kelly went hard at Hicks, and it was only the second out. The 2018 memories don’t die easy. Also, I love that Dumb & Dumber references are just a natural portion of our guy’s lexicon.
On the topic of the brand comment: I’m not sure if Joe Kelly is a strategic mastermind, or if he’s just so adept at handling conflict that whenever a kerfuffle occurs, he immediately becomes the face of it in the local press. I mean, Joe Kelly’s getting the second-most attention on the White Sox right now, and he isn’t even that far off of Tim Anderson with this thing. Joe Kelly successfully made himself the face of Josh Donaldson being a racist to Tim Anderson, and he didn’t even put anyone’s life in danger to do it. Expert performance. Please, society, let Joe Kelly adjudicate all racial disputes. I want more of this.
Patrick Wisdom Is Hot
Patrick Wisdom has homered in four straight games. Also, we know this, but Patrick Wisdom looks like one of those actors who got cast in a movie as a character that could in no way be as hot as him in real life. I mean, the jawline is ridiculous. It’s absurd. How the hell did this guy not quit minor league baseball and start modeling? How bad is he at posing and/or how inefficient is the modeling talent market? Obscene. Has gotten attention here and there but not enough. This is like if Joe Kelly was a relief pitcher for a small-market team in a big market instead of an A-List celebrity helping steer our society with his mustache and his smile.
Calling Up the Pope
Nick Pope, possibly not long for Burnley as they’ll be selling off players this summer to make the financials work as they drop to the Championship, has been called up to England for the upcoming Nations League, the significance of which I don’t know. It’s too much right now, soccer. I’m still trying to figure out if it’ll be possible in any universe to watch Deportivo La Coruña play their promotion playoff from the third tier of the Spanish pyramid (someone who writes for this blog happened to be in A Coruña in 2013 the night Deportivo got relegated from La Liga). The Nations League? If someone can explain it to me, I’m in, but otherwise Nick Pope has to do this alone.
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Viewing schedule tonight:
6:40 PM EDT: Cubs @ Reds (MLB TV)
I have no idea how good Tyler Mahle’s been this year, but he can’t have been that good or the Reds would have more than six wins so far, right? Hope Patrick Wisdom hits one to Kentucky. If he doesn’t, I hope he at least hits three home runs and drives in ten. Is that too much to ask?
7:00 PM EDT: Hurricanes @ Rangers (ESPN, second screen)
I’m not sure how this happened, but I don’t like the Hurricanes. Let it be known. Those guys are losers, and if I ever move to North Carolina, or any Carolina (even East, I see you ECU), I’m going to be a hater. Not in a cheeky way, either, like I sometimes am with the Longhorns. If I end up in the Carolinas and my kids have friends who are Canes fans, I’m going to try to ruin that for them the way…actually, I’m not going to tell that story. Reach out directly if you want to know. Kind of dark.
8:10 PM EDT: Red Sox @ White Sox (MLB TV, second screen when it counts)
Joe Kelly vs. the Red Sox. Peace and harmony in our land (if there’s a Red Sox/White Sox fight it’s going to amazing and Bostonians will weep for their king).
9:30 PM EDT: Flames @ Oilers (ESPN)
I like to think that the Tkachuk family’s been staying in an Airbnb together in Edmonton for these two games, and that Matthew keeps coming over and talking about his playoff practices and Brady keeps saying, “Hey man, I’m playoff practicing too!” and slamming beers in Matthew’s face while Matthew feels oddly jealous of his younger, happier brother.
The Tkachuk bros have to both end up in Ottawa, right? Eventually?
