The situation involving the Colts, running back Jonathan Taylor, and owner Jim Irsay is…well, it’s not going great. The Colts are saying Taylor’s hurt, Taylor’s saying he isn’t hurt, Taylor wants a trade, the Colts don’t want to trade Taylor, and Jim Irsay has some perspective on how much this matters to the universe, also known as the National Football League. From James Boyd:
“If I die tonight and Jonathan Taylor is out of the league, no one’s gonna miss us. The league goes on. We know that. The National Football (League) rolls on. It doesn’t matter who comes and goes, and it’s a privilege to be a part of it.”
Jim, you good?
I love when people invoke death in an argument, because—kind of like that online law about Hitler—it usually means you’ve lost. Sometimes, it’s the winning blow (“None of this matters, we’re all going to die”) but most of the time it’s just falling on the argumentative sword. When you have nothing better to say, point out how small this planet really is.
What I especially love in this case is that Jim Irsay is not saying that the universe is large. He’s saying that the NFL is large. This is the most NFL approach ever to thinking about the NFL. The next time I’m talking to my contemporaries within the coveted 18 to 34-year-old male demographic and I want to blow minds, I will not say, “You guys ever think about how big the universe is?” I will instead say, “You ever think about how huge is the NFL?”
Roger Goodell Probably Has Some Weird Meetings
Alvin Kamara is planning to meet with Roger Goodell to tell his side of the story from the incident where he allegedly beat a man up in Las Vegas on security footage and allegedly agreed to a plea deal and allegedly reached a private settlement with the alleged victim and allegedly publicly apologized for allegedly beating up the alleged man.
I would imagine Roger Goodell takes a lot of these meetings, and I would imagine they are all weird. We do see Roger Goodell stand next to NFL players—he does this a dozen or more times every year for our viewing enjoyment—but I don’t know that I’ve ever seen him have a conversation with one. I picture both sides being very confused. Maybe this is what those congressional testifiers last week witnessed which led them to believe we’d captured alien life.
The University of Miami Is Going to Jail
At long last, the Miami Hurricanes are all going to jail. All of them! Big twist for realignment. The ACC is down to 13 full-time members, because jail. From the Miami Herald:
Even by Miami standards, John H. Ruiz has been living large.
He doesn’t buy just one waterfront mansion. He buys seven.
He doesn’t just buy a 20-seat private plane. He buys a private Boeing passenger jet.
And he doesn’t stop at buying fancy speed boats. He buys the companies that make them.
The brash attorney and entrepreneur has also become known as the sugar daddy of the University of Miami athletic program, making headlines for his company’s sponsorship of star players and bold proposals to build the university a new football stadium.
But the high living might soon be coming to an end.
The Miami Herald has learned that Ruiz and his health insurance claims company LifeWallet — previously known as MSP Recovery — are the target of federal civil and criminal investigations…
It sounds like Ruiz’s company is just about out of money, and it sounds like Ruiz is alleged to owe some people a lot of money, and by my understanding of current NIL law, that means everyone at Miami has to go to jail. Sure is a shame that the face of the 2023 NCA* *********t would have this happen to them. Last I checked, nobody was trying to imprison North Texas, UAB, Utah Valley, or Wisconsin.
Northwestern Adds a Football Coach
I don’t have anything to say about this move itself but I loved that the second thing Pete Thamel wrote this afternoon for ESPN, in reporting that Northwestern is bringing Skip Holtz in as an assistant for the year, was:
Holtz’s assignment is temporary for the upcoming months and won’t interfere with his USFL job as the head coach of the Birmingham Stallions, according to ESPN sources.
You know, I hadn’t thought about that angle. Maybe I should have.
One explanation for what’s going on here is that Thamel is loaded with USFL sources and they said, “Hey man, big news, but first: Just know that this won’t affect the Stallions.” Another explanation is that Pete Thamel loves the Birmingham Stallions? I’ve always wondered if scoops guys have time to have private lives. I like to think that Pete Thamel’s is just large enough to house being a devoted fan of the USFL. No larger than that.
I’m Cool with Miles Mikolas
We haven’t had a chance to talk about the incident where Miles Mikolas, all while wearing that goofy chain, threw at Ian Happ, missed, threw at Ian Happ again, connected, and got enraged that he would be ejected for hitting someone on the second try (someone hasn’t watched enough Joe Kelly and hasn’t learned how that gets enforced, and that goes for Cardinals color commentator Brad Thompson as well, Brad Thompson does not know ball). Oh, also started telling someone in the Cubs’ dugout that they were short? I want a mic’d-up for that conversation. I have a suspicion Mikolas and Marcus Stroman were having fun. While Mikolas wore that goofy chain.
One of our readers loves Mikolas and has rightfully determined that were we to be objective, we would also love Mikolas. He’s goofy! He ate a live lizard once during the Arizona Fall League, which hits a little close to home today. I think there might be a milk connection, too, but either way, he is a fun, goofy, silly man who did not hurt Ian Happ, and while I wouldn’t say I love the guy, I am still a pro-Miles Mikolas blogger despite his conflict on Thursday with my favorite team. Let the record show. (Also, that set up the funniest gutsy performance ever in which the Cardinals just kept making poor Dakota Hudson throw pitches. I loved that subplot. He just kept going out there! It wasn’t like it was going well, either.)
Austin FC Is Bad at Soccer
Austin FC was eliminated from the Leagues Cup in the group stage, and I would like to propose something:
Everyone in Austin can continue cheering for Austin FC, wearing Austin FC jerseys, posting Instagram stories which say “Vamos!” with shots of the crowd when they go to games.
But we can’t talk about Austin FC in person. Ever. At all.
I think this is how we get through the balance of supporting the city’s biggest professional team because it was willing to come here and build a sweet stadium while also not taking them seriously, because they’re in an unserious league and aren’t performing particularly well in that league.
Send me your thoughts in writing. Out of respect to the proposal, I’m already not talking about Austin FC in person.
Did I Talk About NASCAR and the CW?
I don’t remember if I discussed NASCAR and the CW or not, and I need to get back up to Round Rock to pick Fargo up from daycare, and I need to leave especially early to get gas on the way, and every word I spend explaining why I cannot check if I discussed NASCAR and the CW or not is another half-second closer I am to needing to leave this house! I’ll have to walk past the lizard. What’s left of it. Ugh.
Anyway, I don’t love NASCAR having the Xfinity Series on the CW. But. I do think NASCAR feels natural on a non-major network you get through an antenna; I like the prospect of North Carolinians getting to watch minor league NASCAR after ACC sports, that is very funny but makes a ton of sense; and this makes any possible Pac-12/CW partnership even more discouraging for the Pac-12 because Pac-12 people seem like they loathe NASCAR. George Kliavkoff probably recoils when he sees domestic light beer. Loud noises, too? Those have no place in the home of Stanford football.
