A little-known fact about The Barking Crow’s allegiance to Burnley is that originally, we were Fulham fans. The weekend of the 2018 Indy 500, we were taken by a friend to a bar to watch Fulham beat somebody (not checking whom) in the promotion playoff final. Being at a bar, and being with a Fulham fan, and being filled with the sense of honor the Indy 500 inspires, we decided to nominally support the Fulhams going forward. Even when we chose Burnley to be our favorite the next year, we didn’t renounce Fulham. From that post:
I mention I’m still a Fulham fan because a dream of mine is to, for the next 23 years, pick an EPL team only to see that team relegated to the Championship League [sic] until I am ostensibly a fan of all 24 teams in the Championship League (and yes, I know that some of those teams will get relegated from the Championship League itself—I’m banking on re-promotion from League One timing out perfectly).
This is not a pivoting-back-to-Fulham announcement. I was wrong. I’m not still a Fulham fan. I’m a Fulham sympathizer, for sure—much like Ukraine, I prefer Fulham to their loathsome opposition, but in times of peace I don’t think too much about those guys. I’m sharing this not to return to Fulham, but to acknowledge that yes, the receipts are there. I asked for this. I brought relegation on myself, and incidentally, upon the town of Burnley, who does not deserve this evil. I am at fault. And I’m sorry. But like weights build muscle, this is going to turn into something good.
I hope.
You see, a funny thing happened between choosing Burnley because they were the most irrelevant Premier League team entering the 2019-20 season and Burnley getting relegated yesterday after Wout Weghorst’s sliding tip went just wide and Leeds beat a shorthanded-by-celebration Brentford team in stoppage time (by the way, Sergi Canos, if you are somehow reading this, that was awesome). Like any rom-com worth its salt would have it, my initial ulterior motives fell apart. Because I fell in love.
I don’t know exactly when it happened. It might have been when I realized Burnley’s basically the Green Bay Packers of the Premier League (the smallest of small-market teams inexplicably holding it together) crossed with the Pittsburgh Pirates (long time since they were good) crossed with Marshall University (doing its best in an impoverished area) crossed with the Continental Army during the Revolutionary War. (Sorry, England, but shithousery was what won that war, and much like the Burnley situation, it was necessary, because how the hell was that side supposed to have any money?) It might have happened before that. It might have been when they played their second 0-0 draw in their first seven matches in the fall of 2020. It might have been when Ashley Barnes sent home that penalty kick last January to beat Liverpool. It might have been the moment I first laid eyes on Bertie Bee. The bottom line is, at some point, I caught feelings, and now, I’m in it for the long haul. It might be a tough road ahead. Burnley legitimately may never make it back to the Premier League. But dammit, we’re gonna be there, spending a reasonable-in-context amount of this blog’s money on whatever streaming services and/or VPN we need to spend it on to watch these beautiful bastards play Rotherham and Hull City and Reading and Cardiff and all those other beautiful bastards. We’re not leaving, folks. In fact, our Burnley allegiance is only growing stronger.
Now.
Get back down here, Fulham (just kidding, save yourselves, this sucks).
How White Sox Fans Learned to Love Joe Kelly
It happened, guys.
There was conflict, and now White Sox fans are coming around on Joe Kelly.
Not all of them, of course. Public education in Chicago is shit. But after Joe Kelly cleaned up a Johnny Cueto jam yesterday and took it as an opportunity to taunt the Yankees ruthlessly while the broader Yankees community chose to brand itself as both stupid and racist, there was a common sentiment of, “Ok, now I get it. This guy rocks.” And rock he does, folks.
It was a wild weekend in the Bronx, and while if you want to excuse Josh Donaldson as just phenomenally dumb and not an outright racist himself, you can do that, there is no explanation for Yankees fans subsequently booing Tim Anderson. That was insane. Booing the dude who your third baseman targeted with what was, stupidity-driven or racism-driven, a racially charged comment? Bad look. Great, of course, for baseball—the Yankees being the clear evil in the room is baseball’s best state—but quite the bad look. Entirely inexcusable. And beyond clearing the way for certain Joe Kelly experts on The Internet™ to point out that Joe Kelly has won more World Series in the last four years than the Yankees have won in the last twenty, it also brought a burgeoning debate to the surface:
Who’s more racist: Red Sox fans or Yankees fans?
Red Sox fans have the broader body of work, with their tradition of hurling n-words from the stands dating all the way back to franchise patriarch Tom Yawkey’s response to seeing Willie Mays try out for his historical-loser franchise (the real Curse of the Bambino may have been Yawkey’s refusal to sign a guy who would have been a pretty damn good asset on the Impossible Dream team and others). But with it having been half a decade since the Adam Jones incident and this weekend’s performance so clearly cut in its abhorrence, the rich Long Islanders coming into the Bronx for a ballgame made a case.
There are a lot of racist fanbases in baseball. Cardinals fans memorably harassed Dexter Fowler and his Iranian-born wife in 2017 for…being Black and Iranian-born, respectively. Brewers fans memorably gave Josh Hader a standing ovation in 2018 for…having tweeted the n-word when he was in high school. Braves fans memorably…do the tomahawk chop, even after Cherokee Nation member and professional relief pitcher Ryan Helsley pointed out in 2019 that it’s pretty damn racist. Royals fans are the same people who booed a “moment of unity” at a Chiefs game in 2020 (in fairness, America had made it pretty clear by fall 2020 that we were not ready for unity). Rays fans, to the extent they exist, are mostly old white people who chose to move to Florida, which isn’t a bad thing in and of itself but does self-select a streak of racism. That streak of racism is the thing with all of these. The entire fanbases here aren’t racist. But they have their streaks.
Still, right now, the Yankees are the leaders in the Recent Racism Rankings, adding a whole new dimension to their rivalry with the Red Sox. Impressive work, you asshole idiots.
In related news, with the Cubs so bad right now and the Giants in this weird moneyball-adjacent phase of their history, I think the Dodgers may be the most likable legitimate power in baseball. Weird. Especially since they let Joe Kelly walk this offseason.
NASCAR’s All-Star Race: Let Us Count the Flaws
To be entirely fair to NASCAR, it is hard to balance the in-person experience with the TV experience in a sport where the attendance for a single event can hypothetically reach scales undreamt-of in team sports. So, taking a two-hour break for a Blake Shelton concert in an attempt to draw fans in Fort Worth to your all-star race at the worst track on the circuit does make a level of sense. Still, dumb, and from there…
A lot of people have pointed out that it was ridiculous that NASCAR made Ryan Blaney choose between losing the race and finishing the race with his window screen unlatched (especially after the night had already featured some scary wrecks). I would like to point out that it was ridiculous that NASCAR holds an all-star race at all, and especially one that basically lets everyone race in it. Every NASCAR race is an all-star race, guys. What you need is an all-star weekend, and it should be way different-er than just shaking up the race format to something confusing and wacky. Either make this one the dirt race or add a bunch of competitions like demolition derbies and driving different cars and playing auto soccer. Basically, go to the Budweiser Night of Thrills at Rockford Speedway and do that with NASCARs. If the all-star weekend is a bunch of nonsense happening nonstop throughout the weekend, rather than basically a normal race with a couple quirks, it will be more fun. And it’ll make more sense to have pop country concerts within it.
What Does F1 Have Up Its Sleeve?
In the old days, my impression is that Max Verstappen running away with the F1 championship would be met with respectful admiration. That is the sport it was. In the new days, F1 has a Netflix show to feed content, it has tons of rules but also no rules (because all the enforcement is arbitrary), and it has Lewis Hamilton to add back to the mix while also pumping up Charles Leclerc’s campaign to make sure there’s a simple, entertaining storyline for its new fans to easily consume.
I can’t wait to see what they do.
**
Viewing schedule tonight, as Joe Kelly travels back to Chicago and prepares to face his former, right-now-not-known-as-being-that-racist team:
6:40 PM EDT: Cubs @ Reds, ESPN+/MLB TV
A thing about middle children is that they need to be able to either ally with or beat up the younger ones if they’re going to command any respect, and the Cubs and Reds are not allies right now in the NL Central. With the Cubs struggling to even take out their frustrations on the Pirates, it’s necessary to win this series, and it would be preferable to sweep it. Facing a guy who’s 0-5 with an 8.65 ERA is a must-win game no matter how you slice the underlying stats. The Cubs need to win this game.
(On the bright side, the season series is still even with the Brewers and the Cubs haven’t played the Cardinals yet, so the other route to respect—beating up the older siblings—is still an option, and if the Cubs succeed at it you could make a case they’re still big brother even during the rebuild).
7:00 PM EDT: Panthers @ Lightning, TNT (second screen)
On the one hand, the thought of a legitimate Tampa Bay dynasty in hockey is troubling on a number of levels. On the other, sweeps are fun.
8:30 PM EDT: Heat @ Celtics, ABC (second screen after Panthers/Lightning ends or gets boring)
It’s all up to 2015 NIT role player Luke Kornet. Go make Vanderbilt proud, man. Somebody’s gotta do it.
9:30 PM EDT: Avalanche @ Blues, TNT
With the Binnington/Kadri incident, and all that’s followed*, if the Blues fall behind by three or more goals tonight this is going to boil over. It’s going to completely boil over. There is going to be bloodshed if the Blues fall behind by three or more goals. Right?
*On that topic, obviously Blues fans have a bad history with this stuff (see: the Dexter Fowler note above), but Avalanche fans and media playing the holier-than-thou card is a bit rich. To borrow a paradigm from those Reddit things I always click on in my Instagram explore page because I’m a petty betch who loves drama: Everyone is the asshole here.
